The New Makeup Aisle - in Home Depot.

Please don't go look.  You won't find it, at least I don't think so.  You could probably wing it though and come up with some pretty good deals if you want to buy makeup in bulk.

So I've talked about this in previous posts.  The differences you discover buying makeup as you get older.  Now apparently, they're priming our young women for that day.  Ha, I said priming.  You'll see the irony there soon enough.

I've noted this in the last week alone, watching television commercials.  Eyeshadows with built in "primer" and lipstick is now called lip "stain".  Really?  Ugh.  It's bad enough we've always had foundation, which we all know is how you start a building.  Apparently that's how you start your makeup regime too.  Tammy Faye Baker made a name for herself doing just that didn't she?

Well because I couldn't let sleeping dogs lie, I decided to research this just to prove my point.  I only hit up one site, Olay.  And boy oh boy, it's worse than I thought.  If I bought all this stuff and looked in my makeup case after a night of a few too many tequilas, I might think I'd picked up the toolbox by mistake.

The proof is in the pudding though.  Or the primer as the case may be.

Lip stain
Eyebrow threading
Foundation
Eye primer
Body waxing
Skin restoration
Wrinkle filler
Firming cream
Sculpting serum
Superstructure cream
Resurfacing elixir
Eye roller
Concealer
Sealant wrinkle treatment
Abrasion and peel system
Color recapture
Tone corrector
Firming serum
Spot treatment

This is the list garnered from minimum research.  Can you even imagine what I could come up with if I really dug my teeth into this thing?  Aye aye aye!

I'll admit, I'm tempted.  If I was rich I'd buy it all.  Then again if I was rich, I'd have a plastic surgeon who could ensure I didn't need all this, and make sure my nipples were put back into that whole looking up frame of mind at the same time.

I'm scared though.  Would those door to door home repair people knock me down to steal my makeup case?  Or would I suddenly experience delusions of home repair and start fixing up the house?

Maybe....just maybe, it's a marketing campaign to familiarize our husbands with our shopping and grooming rituals so they'll feel more welcome in our bathrooms.  Who knows.

What I do know is that although my rear end might be as big as a house, I'm not ready to be spackled yet.

Can a Human Head Spontaneously Combust?

Okay so there are a few reasons I've been MIA.  One of course is the emotional roller coaster my darling, sweet, precious, oh so blinded by love little girl has had me riding since Christmas Eve.  Since I'm not too sure I can still form coherent thoughts, (lack of good sleep, exhaustion, cleaning for upcoming visit, etc.) I'll just make this easy.

Dec. 23

• Kitty Princess texts me to tell me the bf proposed.
• I inquire about a ring to find there isn't one.
• When will there be one?  Maybe spring.
• What did he get her?
• Nothing.
• Kitty Princess texts me to say "hope you didn't tell anyone, it's not happening"
• I say ummm WTF?
• She says she'll explain when she gets home.
• She gets home and it's "on" again.  Everything is fine.
• Mama Kitty asks very few questions since head is in danger of imminent explosion.
• We all go night night.

Dec. 24

• Christmas Eve!  Yay!
• Kitty Princess wants to know what time bf should come over.
• Kitty Princess is working til 7.
• I tell Kitty Princess not a good idea.  She just saw him and Grumama will be all nervous.
• Kitty Princess agrees and we have a lovely dinner and gift exchange with grandparents.
• Come home and Kitty Princess gets on the phone with bf.
• Boyfriend tells her his best friend's parents are getting him and best friend a job in California at a pharmaceutical company.
• Mama Kitty is happy.
• Then Mama Kitty finds out he wants her to go with him.
• Kitty Princess and bf fight.  A lot.
• Kitty Princess is crying.
• Hysterically.
• Boyfriend is going to break up with her.  Engagement is off.
• Mama Kitty is happy.  Bad Mama Kitty.
• Mama Kitty explains that bf is an ass.  Tells Kitty Princess that even God couldn't get a job at a pharmaceutical company since God doesn't have a four year degree.
• Sometime in the wee hours of the morning (after ruining Christmas Eve) bf decides he still loves her and they don't have to go to California.
• Mama Kitty is not happy again.
• We all go night night.

Dec. 25

• Christmas Day!  Yay!
• Kitty Princess wants to know when she can see boyfriend.
• Fight ensues when she's told that paternal grandparents are coming over and then we have to go to their house for dinner.  No time for bf to come over.
• Kitty Princess pouts.
• Mama Kitty is happy, not about pouting about no bf on Christmas.
• Enjoy Christmas, opening gifts from in-laws, go to dinner to have repeat of sad from niece who is told SHE can't go home with her bf because it's snowing like a bitch and she has to work the next day and boyfriend lives a zillion miles away.
• Decide all females under the age of 25 are systematically insane.
• Come home and Kitty Princess talks to bf rest of night.
• Boyfriend gets mad at her over World of Warcraft and another fight ensues.
• Mama Kitty is tired of the fighting by 1:00 a.m. and leaves the Kitty Princess to go to bed.

Dec. 26

• Kitty Princess works til 9:30
• Kitty Princess gets off work and bf asks where she's been since he KNOWS that her employer closes at 6 p.m. on Sundays.
• Mama Kitty is shellshocked that Kitty Princess didn't go the hell off on bf.
• Apparently bf's best friend worked for two months at GameStop and knows everything there is to know about their practices including holiday hours, amazing since he never worked a holiday hour in his life.
• Mama Kitty isn't asking any more freaking questions cuz her head is going to explode.

Dec. 27

• Kitty Princess has day off.  Spends day on phone with bf playing World of Warcraft.
• Mama Kitty wanted to make cookies and watch movies.
• Other stuff happened that made Mama Kitty not happy.
• Mama Kitty went to bed with monster headache and the very real desire to give the hell up.

Dec. 28

• Blogging is safe.  Mama Kitty shall return to blogging where she can rant and rave and sound like a lunatic about the horrors of bf and having an intelligent, beautiful daughter who is blinded by the thought that love is possible with a good for nothing, worthless, horrible person who doesn't even buy her a gift for Christmas.

And there you have it.  Is it any wonder I can't put more than two words to paper without feeling like my head is going to explode and checking to house to pinpoint the location of every available pointed or sharpened object I own?  Ladies and gentleman, gather round and pray with me that THIS

never, ever, ever, ever, ever happens.  Please and thank you.

Blatantly Stolen from Linda!

So I was blog hopping, and stumbled across Linda's post over at Life is an Adventure where she did a questionnaire for her hubby and thought it was so much fun I was going to steal it and run with it, so I did!  I wrote up questions of my own and drilled the hubby until he was sitting over there wondering what in the world I was doing.  So without further ado, I bare his soul to you, my followers!  My questions and his answers!  Enjoy!

17.  When you were little what did you want to be when you grew up?

A.   An astronaut.

17.  How old were you when you stopped believing in Santa Claus?

A.   11

17.  Who was your hero growing up?

A.   Superman.

17.  Who was your teen celebrity crush?

A.      Farrah Fawcett

17.  What was your all time favorite cartoon as a kid?

A.      Bugs Bunny

Q.      What was your first traffic ticket for?

A.   Speeding.

17.  What’s the one thing you’d change if you could?

A.   Getting a four year degree instead of a two year degree.

17.  Favorite television show?

A.   How It’s Made

17.  If you could be anything you wanted to be NOW, what would you be?

A.      CEO of a major social networking site.

17.  If I wrote a book about your life, what would the title be?

A.   The Winding Road

17.  What’s your favorite animal?

A.   Wolves

17.  What makes your life magical?

A.      My family.

17.  Who makes your life magical?

A.   My wife and daughter.

17.  What’s your favorite thing about your wife?

A.      That she’s all over the place.

17.  What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

A.   Sense of humor.