And thanks for all the fish.

I'm not sure, but maybe making my comeback during the premier of Sons of Anarchy might be questionable at best.  I'm no Gemma, but hey, at least someone out there is aging gracefully right?  One day maybe I'll be able to rock a pair of jeans and some leather boots like that woman!  So that was an awkward intro huh?  I feel like I'm way out of my depth here, and hoping it's like riding a bike!  I've missed blogging.  I've missed writing in general and I've pretty much given up that I'll ever be able to write anything more substantial than a poem or a blog post.

I've learned a lot about my sleeping disorder in the past year or two and even though I'm still positive about it, I'm willing to accept my limitations and that focus I've talked about before has gotten the best of me.  That's not to say I'm down or depressed or all negative about it, nah, I'm too blase about it to be all that.  It's my life, for better or worse, and I'm going to make the best of it.   Always.

With that out of the way, I'm going to try this again.  I'll probably never be one of those bloggers that eeeeeveryone loves and visits daily, I'm too unpredictable for that, but I'm going to do what I can, what makes me happy.  I'm going to write when I've got something to write about, share with you my crazy, sometimes out of control life, the exploits of cats and kids and husbands and yes, the crazy cat lady too!

I won't overwhelm you with details right now, I've gotten quite a bit done on the stuff I wanted to work on around the house, somehow or other the kiddo has become a college senior, hopefully I'll be able to share some really fantastic news with you soon (news that we're waiting to hear about, so hopefully it'll be fantastic anyway, we're hoping), got all my hair cut off, went to my first Nascar race and have become a certified fangirl, and yes, I turned 50.  There was nothing graceful about it, but I didn't kick and scream either.

I will say I've missed you guys.  You know who you are.  I hope you believe me because all you've got is my word to prove it.  I'm a little daunted by this to be honest, I went back and read some of my old posts and hey, I'm a little bit funny.  I don't remember being that funny so I was surprised and a little shocked.  Hopefully that's au natural so I won't have to try and some magic writing humor will sneak out and I won't have to stress about it.  I guess we'll see huh?

Welcome aboard, and if you're still here, thanks for sticking around!

Me and the Kiddo (not fangirling, but melting.  It was HOT)

Donna!

Lost Muse - Reward.

Not really, I don't have anything to give anyone even if they could find the missing muse.  Actually, I hate that term.  I've always looked at it like an excuse for not doing what your head is trying to make you do.  I don't need a muse to write.  There's no one thing I've focused on to that level of importance.  No, writing is just me.  When I write I'm the one who feels a sense of accomplishment and when I don't?  I'm the one who feels like I've let myself down.  I can't blame that on anything or anyone else.

The past few nights, I haven't been sleeping all that well.  I KNOW right?  Me?  Not sleeping well?  Go figure.  I don't know what's up, if it's allergies, or the fact that my shoulders ache no matter what position I try to sleep in, or that my knees get stiff within ten minutes and want to be moved around.  At any rate, I find myself lying in bed, nice and warm in the toasty orgasm sheets (no you perv, it really IS the sheets!) refusing to get up and go write.  My novel has been sitting untouched since well.....before Christmas.  I'll be honest, the whole Webook thing was a downer, it started off so well, and I was literally shocked that it didn't go on to the next round.  Maybe it's just that?

Maybe I'm questioning my ability to write?

I don't know, but I need to get back to it.  When I used to write poetry ALL the time, I found that I could only go so long without writing.  It's like an addiction.  You think you're fine, and one day you walk into that bar and the smell of whiskey makes your mouth water, only in this instance it's writing.  Days, weeks sometimes even months can pass and I'm fine, then I get nervous.  Testy.  Snippy.  All the characters who live inside my head start screaming all at once until I'm disoriented and confused and downright unhappy.

It's getting to that point now.  Maybe it's because I haven't really been writing anything.  My blog posts have dribbled away over the last month due to everything that's been going on in my life and because of how incredibly freaking tired I've been.

Wow, I just realized I have NO idea why I'm posting this.  Maybe I just needed to let it out, to come to terms with the fact that I'm failing as a writer at the moment.  Maybe it's that kick in the ass that I need to write it down so other people will realize I'm failing as a writer?  Who knows.  It's coming soon, that NEED to sit down and write, and honestly I'm dreading it in a way because I've got this nagging suspicion that I'm going to be starting all over.  I can't wrap my mind around what I've got so far and what I need to do to make it better, and I hate revising.  Anything.  I'd rather start most anything from scratch than try to go back and FIX it.

You know what though?

I.  Am.  A.  Writer.

I'm going to write today.  After I finish cleaning the kitchen and doing laundry.  Maybe.

Randomness or Focus?

The problem with having a sleeping disorder is more than just sleeping.  When I'm taking my medication and it actually works (which it hasn't for well over a year) I can write my rear off.  One of my biggest complaints about suffering from this disorder is the lack of focus.  It affects every part of my life, but the one area that I hate the most is my ability to write.   When my bestie was here, I ended up wicked super mega sleep deprived.  I wasn't willing to waste our little bit of time together napping, so I dealt with it, knowing it was going to kick me in the butt when she left to go home and I wasn't disappointed.  I've been sleeping sooooo much, and it's more annoying than I can express.

I also tend to ramble a lot more when I'm not medicated.  Lack of focus and all.  :)

With all that said, I'm asking you guys since after all, you're the ones reading whatever I choose to write, do I keep trying to focus on a topic and write from the heart everyday, or should I pick a focus, however many days of whatever, etc?  If so, I'm way up for suggestions on what you guys have been up to and what you might like to see me tackle next.  I'm leaning towards the 29 days of giving because my sweetiepie Angie at Living Aloha freaking inspired the crap out of me with her posts.  I sat down and read every last one of them today and wow. Just wow.  I'm open to other ideas or suggestions though, so all you besties out there?  Lemme know what you think!