The New Makeup Aisle - in Home Depot.

Please don't go look.  You won't find it, at least I don't think so.  You could probably wing it though and come up with some pretty good deals if you want to buy makeup in bulk.

So I've talked about this in previous posts.  The differences you discover buying makeup as you get older.  Now apparently, they're priming our young women for that day.  Ha, I said priming.  You'll see the irony there soon enough.

I've noted this in the last week alone, watching television commercials.  Eyeshadows with built in "primer" and lipstick is now called lip "stain".  Really?  Ugh.  It's bad enough we've always had foundation, which we all know is how you start a building.  Apparently that's how you start your makeup regime too.  Tammy Faye Baker made a name for herself doing just that didn't she?

Well because I couldn't let sleeping dogs lie, I decided to research this just to prove my point.  I only hit up one site, Olay.  And boy oh boy, it's worse than I thought.  If I bought all this stuff and looked in my makeup case after a night of a few too many tequilas, I might think I'd picked up the toolbox by mistake.

The proof is in the pudding though.  Or the primer as the case may be.

Lip stain
Eyebrow threading
Foundation
Eye primer
Body waxing
Skin restoration
Wrinkle filler
Firming cream
Sculpting serum
Superstructure cream
Resurfacing elixir
Eye roller
Concealer
Sealant wrinkle treatment
Abrasion and peel system
Color recapture
Tone corrector
Firming serum
Spot treatment

This is the list garnered from minimum research.  Can you even imagine what I could come up with if I really dug my teeth into this thing?  Aye aye aye!

I'll admit, I'm tempted.  If I was rich I'd buy it all.  Then again if I was rich, I'd have a plastic surgeon who could ensure I didn't need all this, and make sure my nipples were put back into that whole looking up frame of mind at the same time.

I'm scared though.  Would those door to door home repair people knock me down to steal my makeup case?  Or would I suddenly experience delusions of home repair and start fixing up the house?

Maybe....just maybe, it's a marketing campaign to familiarize our husbands with our shopping and grooming rituals so they'll feel more welcome in our bathrooms.  Who knows.

What I do know is that although my rear end might be as big as a house, I'm not ready to be spackled yet.

The Difference Between Men and Women

Watching TV.

Preview for Fairly Legal.

Me:  I hate her.

Hubs:  Why? Cuz she's THIS big around?

Me:  Mhm.

Hubs:  Well look at it this way, lots of guys would climb on top of that, but lots more would be afraid they'd hurt her, or get hurt.  Most guys like women like you, with curves.

Me:  And therein lies the difference between men and women.  Men see her and think about climbing on top of her, women think of her and sigh at how easy it would be to shop.

Age vs. Technology

Let's start from the beginning.  I learned how to use computers when they were still the size of cars.

(I can feel my wrinkles deepening as I type)

I remember using DOS commands as a rule of thumb.

I once used bulletin boards to talk to strange people.

My email address consists of my simply my initials and comcast.net

I can efficiently use a typewriter.

Getting the picture here?

Okay, with all that laid out, I've found that I've reached that age where I'm asking my daughter how to do technical things.  Or my husband who doesn't count as far as age goes because he's a terminal techno-weenie.

It took me forty seven minutes to figure out how to add an mp3 file to my phone as a ring tone.

I sat in front of the PS3 for about ten minutes wondering why I couldn't get to my game before my daughter informed me that I had to scroll over to the games tab to get to them.

Forget about trying to make videos or avi files or anything like that.

It's happened.  I've become the parent who needs help from their kids to function in the virtual world.  Like those parents who used to call and complain that they couldn't program the vcr.

On the plus side:

I know how to change a tire.

I can ride the heck out of a riding lawn mower.

I've taken apart a chain saw and put it back together again.

I can build furniture that comes in a box.

I can make a budget and balance a checkbook.

I can prepare an entire meal without a cookbook or instructions.

I can read a map.  As long as I can turn it to the direction that's straight ahead and not worry about north, south, east and west!

I know how to change the oil in a car and can even change out a serpentine belt.

Just don't ask me to make a video how to for any of it.

Honey, what in the world do you DO all day!?!?!

Another amazing discovery from StumbleUpon.  Thinking I might need to start asking for advertising royalties or something for all the plugs I'm giving these guys lately.

What Did You Do All Day?

By: Veronica Kavanagh (View Profile)

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.

As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap, and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.

She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked:

“What happened here today?’”

She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?”

“Yes,” was his incredulous reply.

She answered, ‘”Well, today I didn’t do it.”

Read more: http://www.divinecaroline.com/22324/37661-did-do-day#ixzz1FJmzkH2s

Travel anyone?

Found at StumbleUpon.  The only place I can stumble over and over again and not wind up in the ER.


I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii.  After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown.  I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa."  Her response ... click.

A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."

I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."

Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas.  When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am.  I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."

A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."

A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"

Life.

Another casualty of drugs......

I talk a lot about aging here, but no matter how bad it gets, it always beats the alternative.

Today my husband lost a friend that he felt more like a father to than a friend.  Austin never had an easy life, he struggled for the things that so many of us take for granted.  In and out of prison, problems with drugs and alcohol, living with his grandmother who tried to keep him straight, it all ended today.

At 22 years of age, Austin Thomas died from a suspected drug overdose.

People, if you've got kids, take a minute today to talk to them, tell them about Austin so they understand that this doesn't just happen to other people, that it can, and does happen to people every day.  Remind them every day that as hard as you try, you can't escape whatever you think drugs will let you escape, you just put it off until the day or month or year that you come out of that haze, if you do, and then you have to deal with it fresh.

Austin was an adorable, intelligent, lovable young man, and for all his problems, he had a heart that I know was capable of immense love.  Those who knew him at all will miss his easygoing spirit, his laughter, his sarcasm and wit, his ability to come up with some comeback at the drop of a hat.  It's a tragedy for a life just really starting to end so sadly, and I think that he was just a baby really, but he'd lived more than most people his age for better or worse.

Rest in peace Austin, you will be missed and you were loved.