10 February 2012
OMG ur my bff ur txt r wtf made me lol
Yeah. That should probably be 'nuff said, but no, I'll go on.
Texting is convenient. It's fun sometimes, other times it's semi-necessary. Like when you remember in the middle of dinner with your parents that you forgot to tell your husband not to mention that your mom's meatloaf gives you indigestion. Or that your daughter got a new tattoo.
Otherwise, there's a time and a place.
Having existed in a pre-texting world, I know for a fact that there are some things it's entirely possible to do without having a phone either attached to your skull or your fingertips.
I'm going to come up with a texting collar. Slap it on in the morning and it's like one of those dog collars that gives you a jolt when you go too far. Pretty sure I'll be using it all the time.
I once went to a gun show and this guy asked me if I wanted to look at a tazer. I told the guy that would be like giving a ball to a kid on a playground. Impossible not to play with. If I had a tazer I'd be in jail within minutes. Literally.
Since I'm in a mood and texting rules don't really exist, I made my own list for your reading entertainment, and well to be distributed world-wide when the shock collar debuts.
Do not text when you're completing a transaction. Anywhere.
Do not text while you're driving, even at stoplights because that light always turns green before you're done and then I'm sitting behind you wishing you had on a dog collar so I could zap your rear end repeatedly.
Do not text WHILE I'm trying to have a conversation with you. UGH!
Do not text during dinner, in or out, dinner is for eating and for talking. To actual people. Who talk back.
If you're going to text in the movie theatre, at least turn the volume off so I don't have to listen to your asinine notification tone when you get eight billion texts back during the movie.
Do not text me back with "k". If I've gone to the trouble to text you, you can at least give me a whole word in return. Is it really that hard to add and "o" and an "ay"?
Do not forward jokes texted to you to every single person on your contact list. It's annoying.
Do not text me a photo of you penis or your breasts, if I wanted to see that, I'd have asked.
For this rant, the last and perhaps most important is to remember that English is actually a language and should be used as such. I don't have a degree in deciphering semi-words or letters into a legible sentence. Unless you're FOUR and you're texting me, please try to speak in complete sentences. If you can't survive without throwing in a "u" or a "ur" please just wait until you see me and skip the text altogether, or here's a thought......
Pick up the phone and call me.
Then again, maybe I'm just being a grumpy old woman. Do you have pet text peeves?