30 January 2012

The New Makeup Aisle - in Home Depot.

Please don't go look.  You won't find it, at least I don't think so.  You could probably wing it though and come up with some pretty good deals if you want to buy makeup in bulk.

So I've talked about this in previous posts.  The differences you discover buying makeup as you get older.  Now apparently, they're priming our young women for that day.  Ha, I said priming.  You'll see the irony there soon enough.

I've noted this in the last week alone, watching television commercials.  Eyeshadows with built in "primer" and lipstick is now called lip "stain".  Really?  Ugh.  It's bad enough we've always had foundation, which we all know is how you start a building.  Apparently that's how you start your makeup regime too.  Tammy Faye Baker made a name for herself doing just that didn't she?

Well because I couldn't let sleeping dogs lie, I decided to research this just to prove my point.  I only hit up one site, Olay.  And boy oh boy, it's worse than I thought.  If I bought all this stuff and looked in my makeup case after a night of a few too many tequilas, I might think I'd picked up the toolbox by mistake.

The proof is in the pudding though.  Or the primer as the case may be.

Lip stain
Eyebrow threading
Eye primer
Body waxing
Skin restoration
Wrinkle filler
Firming cream
Sculpting serum
Superstructure cream
Resurfacing elixir
Eye roller
Sealant wrinkle treatment
Abrasion and peel system
Color recapture
Tone corrector
Firming serum
Spot treatment

This is the list garnered from minimum research.  Can you even imagine what I could come up with if I really dug my teeth into this thing?  Aye aye aye!

I'll admit, I'm tempted.  If I was rich I'd buy it all.  Then again if I was rich, I'd have a plastic surgeon who could ensure I didn't need all this, and make sure my nipples were put back into that whole looking up frame of mind at the same time.

I'm scared though.  Would those door to door home repair people knock me down to steal my makeup case?  Or would I suddenly experience delusions of home repair and start fixing up the house?

Maybe....just maybe, it's a marketing campaign to familiarize our husbands with our shopping and grooming rituals so they'll feel more welcome in our bathrooms.  Who knows.

What I do know is that although my rear end might be as big as a house, I'm not ready to be spackled yet.

24 January 2012

The Difference Between Men and Women

Watching TV.

Preview for Fairly Legal.

Me:  I hate her.

Hubs:  Why? Cuz she's THIS big around?

Me:  Mhm.

Hubs:  Well look at it this way, lots of guys would climb on top of that, but lots more would be afraid they'd hurt her, or get hurt.  Most guys like women like you, with curves.

Me:  And therein lies the difference between men and women.  Men see her and think about climbing on top of her, women think of her and sigh at how easy it would be to shop.

04 January 2012

Age vs. Technology

Let's start from the beginning.  I learned how to use computers when they were still the size of cars.

(I can feel my wrinkles deepening as I type)

I remember using DOS commands as a rule of thumb.

I once used bulletin boards to talk to strange people.

My email address consists of my simply my initials and comcast.net

I can efficiently use a typewriter.

Getting the picture here?

Okay, with all that laid out, I've found that I've reached that age where I'm asking my daughter how to do technical things.  Or my husband who doesn't count as far as age goes because he's a terminal techno-weenie.

It took me forty seven minutes to figure out how to add an mp3 file to my phone as a ring tone.

I sat in front of the PS3 for about ten minutes wondering why I couldn't get to my game before my daughter informed me that I had to scroll over to the games tab to get to them.

Forget about trying to make videos or avi files or anything like that.

It's happened.  I've become the parent who needs help from their kids to function in the virtual world.  Like those parents who used to call and complain that they couldn't program the vcr.

On the plus side:

I know how to change a tire.

I can ride the heck out of a riding lawn mower.

I've taken apart a chain saw and put it back together again.

I can build furniture that comes in a box.

I can make a budget and balance a checkbook.

I can prepare an entire meal without a cookbook or instructions.

I can read a map.  As long as I can turn it to the direction that's straight ahead and not worry about north, south, east and west!

I know how to change the oil in a car and can even change out a serpentine belt.

Just don't ask me to make a video how to for any of it.
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