13 February 2011

Lost Muse - Reward.

Not really, I don't have anything to give anyone even if they could find the missing muse.  Actually, I hate that term.  I've always looked at it like an excuse for not doing what your head is trying to make you do.  I don't need a muse to write.  There's no one thing I've focused on to that level of importance.  No, writing is just me.  When I write I'm the one who feels a sense of accomplishment and when I don't?  I'm the one who feels like I've let myself down.  I can't blame that on anything or anyone else.

The past few nights, I haven't been sleeping all that well.  I KNOW right?  Me?  Not sleeping well?  Go figure.  I don't know what's up, if it's allergies, or the fact that my shoulders ache no matter what position I try to sleep in, or that my knees get stiff within ten minutes and want to be moved around.  At any rate, I find myself lying in bed, nice and warm in the toasty orgasm sheets (no you perv, it really IS the sheets!) refusing to get up and go write.  My novel has been sitting untouched since well.....before Christmas.  I'll be honest, the whole Webook thing was a downer, it started off so well, and I was literally shocked that it didn't go on to the next round.  Maybe it's just that?

Maybe I'm questioning my ability to write?

I don't know, but I need to get back to it.  When I used to write poetry ALL the time, I found that I could only go so long without writing.  It's like an addiction.  You think you're fine, and one day you walk into that bar and the smell of whiskey makes your mouth water, only in this instance it's writing.  Days, weeks sometimes even months can pass and I'm fine, then I get nervous.  Testy.  Snippy.  All the characters who live inside my head start screaming all at once until I'm disoriented and confused and downright unhappy.

It's getting to that point now.  Maybe it's because I haven't really been writing anything.  My blog posts have dribbled away over the last month due to everything that's been going on in my life and because of how incredibly freaking tired I've been.

Wow, I just realized I have NO idea why I'm posting this.  Maybe I just needed to let it out, to come to terms with the fact that I'm failing as a writer at the moment.  Maybe it's that kick in the ass that I need to write it down so other people will realize I'm failing as a writer?  Who knows.  It's coming soon, that NEED to sit down and write, and honestly I'm dreading it in a way because I've got this nagging suspicion that I'm going to be starting all over.  I can't wrap my mind around what I've got so far and what I need to do to make it better, and I hate revising.  Anything.  I'd rather start most anything from scratch than try to go back and FIX it.

You know what though?

I.  Am.  A.  Writer.

I'm going to write today.  After I finish cleaning the kitchen and doing laundry.  Maybe.


  1. you just wrote so much about not being able to write lol!! I love it !

  2. I read the opening of your novel. You're a writer. Debate over.

  3. I know how you feel. I have those times when I'm not writing ANYTHING!!! It's frustrating, like you SHOULD be writing, but you almost CAN'T. For me, a lot of this has to do with stress, or others things that are so much a part of your life. Right now, it's school for me. Every time I sit down to write, I think, I really should be reading my lit book or writing that essay that is due on Friday. At those times, I think you can't get frustrated. Just take a deep breath or make time. Get your head straight before you bring it to your writing.

    I don't know. As you can see I have struggled with it too. I haven't written anything new in almost 3 months. Ugh! However, I am in a creative writing class now so that has been relaxing and cleansing. lol.

    I'll talk to you later, Donna. Just know you're not the only one.

  4. Hey - Its sooo weird, but I've been feeling everything you have just described.

    My bipolar has been an issue and a help (first too blue to bother - now to high to stop but will any of it be any good when I do?)

    I've been away, which got in the way too - and I was exactly as you described - like an addict under survalance. Trying not to show my need, trying to deal with the need.

    Now I;m writing and I've even found the ending I thought I'd lost. Just have to get from here to there now. And yet, I feel inadequate because the first chapter got nowhere on WeBookk either!

    Well I say thats a stupid reason to back away from a project. I say it to you and to myself. If you begin another, you'll only have to edit that too. No writer gets away without the edit!! Ask our lovely AurbrieAnne ;)

    Good luck lady. Please yourself, not the anonymous webook readers!

    I find it helpful to ask myself this

    "If I read this, would I give it a good review?"

    Thats all that matters really. Shah. X

  5. You aren't alone, kiddo! I've been sitting on my almost-finished book for some time; lost the revisions in a puter crash but they're dancing around in my head. Just have to make that final push to completion.

    Yeah right. I need to push work, the flu, aches & pains and life, in general, aside to do what I love.

    You aren't a failure, not by any means; when the time is right, that writing-flow will return when you least expect it!

  6. Good morning! I just wanted to let you know that I have given you an award on my blog today! You can come and ckeck it out here...


    You know I can't resist sending one your way!

    Have an amazing day, Donna!

  7. Donna, I definitely have what they call Writers Block? Half of my posts I start and then save as a draft and go back. I feel as if I'm not accomplishing much. I know sometimes I don't make any sense, but if you finish and feel satisfied then thats all that matters, not who's reading it. I'm proud of all you write. You're real which is very rare finding others who write sometimes. Take your time, when you're ready you'll know it. I love you so much!


  8. MMM - sure I left a comment here yesterday? Shah .X

  9. Hi - Congrats - I have chosen you to recieved the Seven Facts Award - Please stop by my blog ( wordsinsync.blogspot.com ) to see what you have to do to collect it if you want it.

    Shah. X

  10. I popped by to say hi and to extend an invitation to (shameless plug) my Weekend Creation Blog Hop which is on right now for the whole weekend - that is if you'd like to link up your creations(writing etc)/blog or meet other creative bloggers?

    Over @ wordsinsync.blogspot.com Shah ;D X

  11. Just came here to say I missed you, Like real bad! :D

  12. You are doing it, you're writing. :) I'm sure inspiration comes and goes so it will come back again! xo


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