07 January 2011

Hey, It's not just you ladies you know....

Well, my wife decided to go behind my back and sign me up to post on her blog while her friend is in town.  She is pretty sneaky, but paybacks?  Oh yeah.  For those who don’t know me, I’m Donna’s husband Kevin and I just so happen to have my very own blog at Awkward Humor.

So, while my wife and her friend play all girlie girlie with makeup and clothes, I’m going to actually do something straight forward for my post.  Since her blog is named Refusing to Grow Old Gracefully, I thought I would touch on that subject – from the side of a man.

If any men happen to be reading this, don’t panic.  I won’t let too many secrets out.  Or at least I will try.  Of course, since this is coming FROM a man, women who read this will probably just ignore it.  Or think I’m crazy.  Or stupid. Or from Mars (and if women think they are actually from Venus, they have another think coming).

Refusing to Grow Old Gracefully is pretty much my wife’s life philosophy.  She denies everything having to do with age, no matter what she writes in her blogs.  You know that Toby Keith song, “as good as I once was”?  That is almost, almost now, my wife’s theme song.  For several years now I have been expecting to hear that playing as we walk along on whatever business we are out and about on.  One line in particular comes to mind where my wife is concerned.  “You’re body says you can’t do this, but your pride says oh yes you can”.  How else can you explain her racing, on skates, a young teenager?  We won’t talk about the resulting crash, or the broken ribs.

I know women have it tough where aging is concerned.  You feel like you’ve lost that youthful glow.  That men don’t look at you and as a result, have their jaws hit the floor.  You feel like your boobs are at your knees, and the wrinkles and gray hair are of satan.  I KNOW this.

But society seems to take it a little easier on men.  When we get gray, we become “distinguished”.  Well, let me tell you, we don’t feel that way, unless you’re Richard Gere.  Or Kenny Rogers.  Men, despite what you think, have our own insecurities when it comes to aging.

Society hints that men’s wrinkles are a sign of experience.  Maybe so, but they also make that hot little number on the beach in a string bikini go “EWWWW PEDOMAN!” when they catch us looking.  Hey, we can’t help but look.  We continue to look until we are in a casket.

Society says that that gray hair makes us distinguished?  Well, that same gray hair makes the younger guys call us old man and can often be heard saying “don’t hurt yourself”, followed by a snicker on the basketball court (which of course, makes us try to act like we can still jump high and end up hurting ourselves).  Distinguished men are what keep Ben Gay and Icy Hot like products on the market.  And Chiropractors in business.

You think your boobs sag?  Well, a part of OUR anatomy sags too.  You just have to hear the yelp of shock when we sit on the toilet and said anatomy part falls into the water.  No more needs to be said about that.

Then there is the hair.  Oh God, the HAIR.  I’m not talking about going bald either, which makes some of us insane.  I’m talking about the sudden growth of hair.. from our ears.  And nose.  It’s like some Martian saw a Chia Pet commercial and decided they wanted one, and planted hair seeds in our ears and nose while we were sleeping.  With a gallon of Miracle Grow.

So yeah, most of us men don’t like to age gracefully either.  Now the part about sports cars being used to pick up young women?  I will neither confirm nor deny.  It’s a long held rumor I know.  But I will tell you this much.  Getting that sports car is also about feeling a thrill that we can obtain without hurting ourselves like we used to get on the basketball court, or baseball field, or whatever.  Unless we wreck the stupid thing.

I will close with one final statement.  We men may be aging, and not be handling it very well, and you women may be aging, and not handling it very well, but if you walk into the bedroom wearing a French maid outfit?  Well, you’re gonna see an aging man act like a kid on Christmas morning.

So the next time you see a “distinguished” gentlemen acting like an idiot, don’t snicker.  At least to loud.  We’re just feeling the same way you are.


  1. Haha!! I love this. And thank you, Kevin, seeing as last night, my husband finally pointed out to his 34 year old wife that now that my roots are finally REALLY showing I have A LOT of gray coming in. Needless to say, seeing as I have yet to even hit my mid-30's I look like I'm in my mid-40's (by hubby's estimate).

    I've so got to go check out your blog. You sound like a funny guy.

    As for the "girlie-girl" thing? Not happening here! I HATE wearing dresses, only wear makeup if I desperately have to, I DON'T paint my nails (unless forced through sheer torture of the 6-year-old) and can't stand heels.

  2. Great post! Nice to hear that it bothers you men some too:) Hope your wife is enjoying her girlie girl time.

  3. I LOVE THIS POST... so glad you guest posted while your wife is doing the girlie things...

  4. I'm a man, and I endorse this message...especially the part about the ear hair. It's like the shipment of hair that supposed to grow on your head arrives, but the shipping & receiving guy is drunk and he sends it over to the ear, nose, and back department instead.

  5. This is a little bit of a relief actually. Nice to know that nature is mean to everyone equally and impartially.

  6. This is great! I always appreciate the man's perspective on these kinds of issues. Well written.

  7. Haha Kevin, first I think it's hilarious that Donna signed you up. You're such a good sport and this post really made me laugh! I'm in my 20s and my boyfriend just turned 30, but oh the things I look forward to :)


  8. Thank you all for your kind words. I'm glad you enjoyed the post. Oh, and you young people? Stop rubbing it in. Your turn will come. Just kidding!

  9. That was a GREAT post! Especially the last part. Cheers to Donna for getting you to post while she plays. She deserves it!

  10. I LOVE this post. I am sending it to my girlfriends(is that ok?) They will get a laugh from it(And men friends too)


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