Over the past few years, I've found myself in a bit of a rut. Physically and emotionally speaking! The sleeping condition got worse, and as excited as I was to get my disability determination, I've been struggling with finding "purpose" in my new non-working life. Along with a lack of focus, I got a little um, self-critical I suppose. I found myself wondering why anyone would want to read about my life, or lack thereof! For someone who sleeps most of their life away, what on earth could I have to offer to the world at large? The answer to that has begun making itself clear! ME! I'm one in a million. For all my flaws and shortcomings, I'm not so bad. If I was a recipe, I'd be a doozy! One part crazy, three parts psycho, seventy two parts sleepy, four parts loyal, two parts lovable, a tsp of sexy after 50, and a lot of spices and such!
The answer to this lull I'm finding is not trying to force worth, but finding it where it already exists. I have value even if I'm the only one who sees it. Obviously I'm not the only one, the kiddo is still amazing and loves her bat crap crazy Mom, and the Hubs is still sticking around after almost 26 years, so there's that.
Where did blogging come into the past few years? Well, it didn't. I lost something along the way, and a few times I tried to force a "comeback" but I wasn't ready. I'd lost so much already, I think that deep down, I was scared I'd be rejected, or even worse, ignored. When you're hanging onto your self-confidence by a thread, it's hard to hand the scissors over to the interblogs as a whole. I know, I know, I wasn't being fair to the few who were nothing short of AMAZING to me, but oh well, reason isn't always a strong suit of mine.
Speaking of the kiddo, she graduates on May the 8th. I can't even tell you how excited I am about that. I've been thinking about the upcoming year in our lives and one thing we want to do is let her take a year off so we can just spend time together without any other interruptions. She's been in school since she was 3 and now almost 20 years later, her school career is coming to an end and we're going to make the best of it. She'll be starting a design blog, so we'll have blogging time together where we can work on our respective blogs and share knowledge and hints and fun and games with each other and our readers (I HOPE!)
With all that said, I turned 50 last year and well, this blog is about nothing if not aging, or trying NOT to age specifically, so that will be my focus in the future. I'm not changing the name or the subject matter, not even the look and feel of the blog, I'll just be picking up where I left off and making this something that I can do with the kiddo as long as she's here and it'll be something for me to do if or when she eventually flutters out of the nest! She swears she's going to stay home until she's 30, and then build us a house together, so here's hoping for that.
Let's make this happen shall we? Let me know if you're still here! ROLL CALL!!!!!