Honey, what in the world do you DO all day!?!?!

Another amazing discovery from StumbleUpon.  Thinking I might need to start asking for advertising royalties or something for all the plugs I'm giving these guys lately.

What Did You Do All Day?

By: Veronica Kavanagh (View Profile)

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.

As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap, and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.

She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked:

“What happened here today?’”

She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?”

“Yes,” was his incredulous reply.

She answered, ‘”Well, today I didn’t do it.”

Read more: http://www.divinecaroline.com/22324/37661-did-do-day#ixzz1FJmzkH2s

Travel anyone?

Found at StumbleUpon.  The only place I can stumble over and over again and not wind up in the ER.


I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii.  After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown.  I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa."  Her response ... click.

A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."

I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."

Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas.  When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am.  I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."

A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."

A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"

Life.

Another casualty of drugs......

I talk a lot about aging here, but no matter how bad it gets, it always beats the alternative.

Today my husband lost a friend that he felt more like a father to than a friend.  Austin never had an easy life, he struggled for the things that so many of us take for granted.  In and out of prison, problems with drugs and alcohol, living with his grandmother who tried to keep him straight, it all ended today.

At 22 years of age, Austin Thomas died from a suspected drug overdose.

People, if you've got kids, take a minute today to talk to them, tell them about Austin so they understand that this doesn't just happen to other people, that it can, and does happen to people every day.  Remind them every day that as hard as you try, you can't escape whatever you think drugs will let you escape, you just put it off until the day or month or year that you come out of that haze, if you do, and then you have to deal with it fresh.

Austin was an adorable, intelligent, lovable young man, and for all his problems, he had a heart that I know was capable of immense love.  Those who knew him at all will miss his easygoing spirit, his laughter, his sarcasm and wit, his ability to come up with some comeback at the drop of a hat.  It's a tragedy for a life just really starting to end so sadly, and I think that he was just a baby really, but he'd lived more than most people his age for better or worse.

Rest in peace Austin, you will be missed and you were loved.

If I was a dwarf, you KNOW what my name would be.

When I started blogging again for the second time, I was on a roll.  Seriously, posting on two blogs everyday, going around like mad reading everything I could click on and having a fabulous time.  I thought for a while that maybe I would be okay without the medication, getting a little less sleep.  Silly me.

You've probably all noticed, at least the ones who were keeping up with me regularly, that since my bestie left in January, I've been more often than not....missing.  I finally figured out part of what the problem was.  I don't do well when I'm overwhelmed.  I came back when there was still a lot going on in my life, and immediately tried to get right back into blogging the way I'd been going before.  Well, obviously I wasn't quite ready for that.  I read a LOT trying to catch up, and after a day or two I just felt defeated.  Like I'd never catch up.  I wanted to pick up on my novel, to spend more time with my daughter, to get some things done around the house, and a million other things, and at the end of the day, I just couldn't manage it all.  The sleeping thing is kicking my rear end right now, STILL, I can't seem to get caught up, so I'm always tired and sneaking up the stairs for a quick nap which turns into three of four hours.  Ugh.

I'm still here.  I'm going to try to manage this differently now, maybe post every other day or something, until I can get back into the swing of things.  So many wonderful people have given me awards and I swear I haven't forgotten you, I just.....bleh.....I got overwhelmed with what I felt like I NEEDED to do and then defeated so I stepped away again.  I'm not going to apologize because I've been spending time with my kiddo, and the hubs and it's been great.  There have been nights we've all sat on the couch together and watched HOURS of television together which we NEVER do.

I've also started crocheting again, with Kitty no less.  Yep, we both decided to do something fun and that's what we chose.  We're having a blast with it.

The BEST news of all though........you ready?

My disability was approved.  I get my retroactive payment on Friday and start getting regular monthly benefits next month.  I'm finally vindicated.  Finally, I don't have to feel guilty because I can't stay awake long enough to work a regular job, or guilty because I can't make it through the day without a nap or three.  Does it help any other way?  Other than financially I mean?  Not really, I still feel like I'm getting about a quarter of the life that other people get, I still feel like I miss SO much that life has to offer, and I still get frustrated because without the medications that no longer help, my focus is for shit.  I start cleaning the kitchen and before I'm even a quarter done, I've seen something else somewhere and I'm going gung ho to do that.  Needless to say my entire house is about one quarter clean, and unfortunately, that quarter is scattered throughout the whole thing.

I'm thrilled though honestly.  To think that we can make our house payment every month, can buy groceries and pay the bills is just.....well there aren't really words.  After pulling miracles out of my butt for five years, finally the tunnel has come to an end and I'm basking in the light.

So I guess for now I'll leave it at that, you know why I've been lagging, how come I haven't been myself, and maybe, just maybe now that the stress has lessened, it'll be easier to be more myself than I have been lately.  I miss you guys SO much, I miss writing here, and hopefully, I can kick myself into gear and get back to normal now, or soon anyway.  Wish me luck!

Lost Muse - Reward.

Not really, I don't have anything to give anyone even if they could find the missing muse.  Actually, I hate that term.  I've always looked at it like an excuse for not doing what your head is trying to make you do.  I don't need a muse to write.  There's no one thing I've focused on to that level of importance.  No, writing is just me.  When I write I'm the one who feels a sense of accomplishment and when I don't?  I'm the one who feels like I've let myself down.  I can't blame that on anything or anyone else.

The past few nights, I haven't been sleeping all that well.  I KNOW right?  Me?  Not sleeping well?  Go figure.  I don't know what's up, if it's allergies, or the fact that my shoulders ache no matter what position I try to sleep in, or that my knees get stiff within ten minutes and want to be moved around.  At any rate, I find myself lying in bed, nice and warm in the toasty orgasm sheets (no you perv, it really IS the sheets!) refusing to get up and go write.  My novel has been sitting untouched since well.....before Christmas.  I'll be honest, the whole Webook thing was a downer, it started off so well, and I was literally shocked that it didn't go on to the next round.  Maybe it's just that?

Maybe I'm questioning my ability to write?

I don't know, but I need to get back to it.  When I used to write poetry ALL the time, I found that I could only go so long without writing.  It's like an addiction.  You think you're fine, and one day you walk into that bar and the smell of whiskey makes your mouth water, only in this instance it's writing.  Days, weeks sometimes even months can pass and I'm fine, then I get nervous.  Testy.  Snippy.  All the characters who live inside my head start screaming all at once until I'm disoriented and confused and downright unhappy.

It's getting to that point now.  Maybe it's because I haven't really been writing anything.  My blog posts have dribbled away over the last month due to everything that's been going on in my life and because of how incredibly freaking tired I've been.

Wow, I just realized I have NO idea why I'm posting this.  Maybe I just needed to let it out, to come to terms with the fact that I'm failing as a writer at the moment.  Maybe it's that kick in the ass that I need to write it down so other people will realize I'm failing as a writer?  Who knows.  It's coming soon, that NEED to sit down and write, and honestly I'm dreading it in a way because I've got this nagging suspicion that I'm going to be starting all over.  I can't wrap my mind around what I've got so far and what I need to do to make it better, and I hate revising.  Anything.  I'd rather start most anything from scratch than try to go back and FIX it.

You know what though?

I.  Am.  A.  Writer.

I'm going to write today.  After I finish cleaning the kitchen and doing laundry.  Maybe.

Stumbling Into Advice!

My daughter and I both have become addicted to StumbleUpon.  I haven't had as much time as I'd like to just sit and look through all the stuff there, but when I have, I've found some really neat stuff, great ideas, fun sites, you name it.

Since I'm still getting back into the swing of life, and the main thing that has suffered as far as my lack of motivation to do anything other than sleep is my HOUSE, I'll be frenzy cleaning this weekend.  I hope anyway.  I didn't want to stay away the whole weekend without taking the time to post on my blogs, so this is something the Kitty Princess found when visiting StumbleUpon a day or so ago and I got her to post it to my facebook wall so I'd remember to post it.  The best advice is sometimes the simplest.

Advice from Somewhere!

1.  Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

2.  Marry someone you love to talk to, as you grow older those conversation skills will become more important than any other quality you might have found attractive in them.

3.  Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.

4.  When you say "I love you", mean it.

5.  When you say "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.

6.  Be engaged for at least six months before you get married.

7.  Believe in love at first sight.

8.  Never laugh at someone else's dreams, people who don't have dreams don't have much.

9.  Love deeply and passionately.  You might get hurt, but it's the only way to live life completely.

10.  In disagreements, fight fairly, don't name call or become abusive.

11.  Don't judge people by their relatives.

12.  Talk slowly but think quickly.

13.  When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you wanna know?"

14.  Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

15.  Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

16.  When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

17.  Remember the three R's, respect for self, respect for others and responsibility for your own actions.

18.  Don't let a little dispute ruin a great friendship.

19.  When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

20.  Smile when you pick up the telephone, the person on the other end will hear it in your voice.

21.  Spend some time alone with yourself.

And finally, not really advice, but a quote that is stuck in my head today, so I figure either I need it or someone who is reading this might.

The only thing that needs to happen for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.

And there ya have it, I'll be back later today (I hope) to post on Write Now, and to skip around and visit some of you guys I've missed so much!  Until then have a Happy Saturday and remember I loves ya!

Brain Power

Okay so maybe this isn't something I'm qualified to write about, but hey, bear with me okay?

The Kitty Princess is taking college level biology for her senior year of school.   She had a MASSIVE project over the summer b.e.f.o.r.e. classes even started that required her taking 45 pictures of various items on a list with a "marker" in the pictures to prove she actually took them.  The marker she chose was her Hello Kitty ring.

Now, my first problem with this is that I do not subscribe to the whole huge project over summer vacation theory.  It's called summer vacation for a reason.

My second problem is that in order to either have said photos developed or printing them out either one was a major expense.  Maybe not if you've got a regular job and regular income, but for us, the $35 we had to pay for a new color printer cartridge was a problem.  That's a rant for another day though.

Because she didn't DATE the photographs she got a bad grade on the project, even though it was immaculate otherwise.  The teacher (who we continue to have problems with still - she's lost several of Kitty's papers and instead of admitting she lost them, she's insisting they were never turned in.  So yes, I'm believing my kid, she told me the day she turned them in, I saw them, rode her ass every day until they were done, so I'm not buying that she didn't turn them in) gave them the option to participate in the science fair project to make up for the summer project grade.  Okay, she can do that.

The project she and her partner came up with was subliminal messaging.  They came up with a program that flashes a color on the screen while playing solitaire.  It wasn't obvious unless you were looking for it.   The set out five bowls of M&M's and asked each participant to pick a color after playing a game of solitaire.  In every case, the person picked the color they were subjected to.  Pretty neat if you ask me.

We got to talking about projects though and she told me about the kid who won the national project either last year or the year before or something.  The student, a 14 year old, submitted a project about dihydrogen monoxide.  He passed around petitions to have the substance banned for the following reasons:

• is called "hydroxyl acid", the substance is the major component of acid rain.
• contributes to the "greenhouse effect".
• may cause severe burns.
• is fatal if inhaled.
• contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.
• accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.
• may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes.
• has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients.

Sounds nasty doesn't it?  The petitions were accepted readily, and thousands of them were signed supporting the ban of the substance.

The project was entitled "How Gullible Are We?"

So, what does gullible have to do with it?  Dihydrogen monoxide is water.

--------------------------

Kitty and I had an intense discussion about this on the ride home from school today about the power of the brain and the power of suggestion.  Yes, they're different, but also in many ways the same.  A friend of our family passed away about a year ago.  My belief is that she actually killed herself.  No one could ever find anything wrong with her despite constant hospitalizations and trips to the emergency room.  She was definitely a hypochondriac, but is it possible that her belief that she was dying was powerful enough to make it happen?

We see the power of suggestion every day in more places than we might even realize.  The media especially.  Peta.  Politics.  Racism.  Video Games.  Music.  Beauty.  The list goes on and on.  

Peta went on a huge campaign telling us how it was horrific to be milking cows.  Obviously they've never heard a cow who missed her milking.  But they had people jump on the bandwagon right along with them.

Political candidates go on and on about how great they are, how awful their opponents are, and many people don't even research, they just buy into whatever fits with their own lifestyles hook line and sinker.

The argument for racism goes on and on.  White on White, Black on Black, White on Black, etc., etc., etc.  We've got so many people living in this country together, and I'm not sure it's even racism anymore.  It's just human nature.  Sure there are people who hate other races, but are they the exception or the norm?  Do people hate other races for reasons or the stereotypes that we've been subjected to all our lives?

Video games cause kids to kill people.  We ALL know that right?  Bullshit.  What video games DO is desensitize kids to violence.  Not make them commit it.  As far as I'm concerned it's no different than NCIS or CSI, or for that case the plethora of movies that are full of violence.  

Music....ugh.  I'm not even going there.

Beauty?  Blondes have more fun, redheads have tempers, brunettes are smarter?  Really?  Not to mention the whole body image thing.  Are we fat because some Victoria's Secret model weighs 100 pounds and throws up every bite of food she eats except those two celery sticks she allow herself for breakfast and lunch?

My point is that we as individuals need to stop taking things at face value.  We all have brains, why do so many people fail to utilize them to research things?  A recent article was published about the use of the term Obamacare.  It was said that republicans coined the term in a derogatory manner.  Really?  The truth is that the democratic party submitted the term to Google Adwords and had it protected.  Yet, as usual, you've got the political diehards arguing over it.  Aren't there better things to talk about?  Does it really matter where it came from?  People are using the controversy to try and sway the minds of the American public in BOTH directions.  Just stop.  Enough is enough.  I think after two years of having President Obama in office, we've all made up our minds one way or the other.  Like him or not, who really cares who came up with a term that's been accepted for what it represents?

It's amazing what we're willing to accept as the truth.  Like the science fair project, it's so easy for someone to present us with a set of facts, even if they're true, and turn them around to make us believe something else.  I think I'm going to start doing a whole lot more investigative research before making decisions from now on.  How about you?

Randomness or Focus?

The problem with having a sleeping disorder is more than just sleeping.  When I'm taking my medication and it actually works (which it hasn't for well over a year) I can write my rear off.  One of my biggest complaints about suffering from this disorder is the lack of focus.  It affects every part of my life, but the one area that I hate the most is my ability to write.   When my bestie was here, I ended up wicked super mega sleep deprived.  I wasn't willing to waste our little bit of time together napping, so I dealt with it, knowing it was going to kick me in the butt when she left to go home and I wasn't disappointed.  I've been sleeping sooooo much, and it's more annoying than I can express.

I also tend to ramble a lot more when I'm not medicated.  Lack of focus and all.  :)

With all that said, I'm asking you guys since after all, you're the ones reading whatever I choose to write, do I keep trying to focus on a topic and write from the heart everyday, or should I pick a focus, however many days of whatever, etc?  If so, I'm way up for suggestions on what you guys have been up to and what you might like to see me tackle next.  I'm leaning towards the 29 days of giving because my sweetiepie Angie at Living Aloha freaking inspired the crap out of me with her posts.  I sat down and read every last one of them today and wow. Just wow.  I'm open to other ideas or suggestions though, so all you besties out there?  Lemme know what you think!

Should purchasing a cell phone be an.....adventure?

Okay, this is the deal.  My daughter texts like eight BILLION times a day.

You think I'm teasing don't you?  Nope.  I'm not.  Promise!

Well maybe just a teensy weensy bit, but not much.....

So anyway, her PHONE is fine, but her charger went the way of the grave day before yesterday.  I resisted the urge to hold a ceremony because she was giving me dirty looks.  Turns out, she's got an odd phone, with an odd charger so to replace it we'd have had to get it off eBay and it would have cost like thirty bucks and I'm pretty sure her phone isn't worth that much anymore.  I'm not even sure HOW it's still working as much as she's used and abused it, but that's another matter.  She didn't really want to replace it so we had to do some creative thinking.

Hubby has two phones.  Work and personal.  I have one, daughter has one and my parents have one, all on our accounts.  Soooo, this is what we decided to do.

Hubs personal cell is almost identical to daughters old one.  So she took that one, he took my old one, and I went to get a new one since other than hers, mine was the oldest.  I chose the Motorola Flipout just cuz it's too darn cute and it comes with an orange cover for the back and I love orange.  I'm not a techno weenie (ahem like some people who live in our house) so I go for cute over function.  I talk rarely, text a lot and that's about it, so really?  Does it matter?

Anyhoo, loved it, ended up getting it for free because they had this deal where you upgrade and you get a fifty dollar credit, and the phone was only fifty.  Great deal right?  Yep.  Until I dropped it not two hours after I got it.  Shattered the screen all to hell.  I wanted to cry.  Once upon a time, AT&T would have just switched it out, but nowadays they're not that nice anymore.  I could file an insurance claim, pay the FIFTY dollar deductible, wait two weeks for it to come back and all is well right?  Pssht.  Do I remind any of you of a patient person?  Yeah, I thought so.

Finally got hold of the person we still like that works at the phone store and she suggested we upgrade another line and get the phone for the upgrade price.  So that worked out well.  Went tonight, picked up yet another phone, kept the broken one and did some research.  The crazy phone is selling for over $200 bucks on eBay.  Crazy isn't it?  So when we get our taxes back, I'll send the broken one in and get it fixed, put it on eBay and make more than BOTH phones would have cost combined.

Funny how it all works out in the end.  Now I just have to not DROP this one!  Rawr!  Who knew those little turds were that persnickety?  I've had a Samsung Solstice for two years, have left it at WalMart three times, at Ross once, practically scored touchdowns with it, and not even a scratch!  Oh well, another interesting 24 hours in the Riley household, but guess what?  I gots a pretty new orange phone!  Yay!

When it Rains it Pours!

Well after a longer than expected hiatus from blogging, I think I'm back!  Do I really NEED to say I've missed you guys?  I mean really?  You know it right?  I always forget that when I force myself to stay awake (like I did when my bestie was here) I end up paying for it for weeks.  I haven't been able to get ENOUGH sleep lately.  I wake up and an hour later I feel like I'm about to fall asleep on my feet.  Not to mention the focus it takes to write anything, whether it's a blog post or working on my novel which has suffered like crazy with me being so freaking tired.  Anyhow.....life goes on, right?

It's been an interesting few weeks to say the least.  The Kitty princess had tonsillitis, and another recurrence of mono which she seems to struggle with every year about this time.  Word to the wise?  If you've got a doctor you trust, don't let them talk you into seeing another one.  The first appointment she had, the doctor checked her out, said they could do a strep test, but they're not always very accurate, said it's probably a virus and antibiotics would only build up in her system and cause them to eventually become ineffective.  Twenty five bucks for this right?

Two days later, she's worse.  Take her back to the RIGHT doctor (whom we both adore by the way) and Jeri sits down, takes a look at her, and says it's one of three things.  Thing one has these symptoms, thing two has these symptoms, and thing three has these.  Which do you think describes you best.  Bingo.  One handy dandy z-pack and she's almost better, doc calls in another and wah-la, we've got a healthy kid again.  Could have saved twenty five bucks and two days of pain and missing school if they'd gotten it right the first time, and trust me, I let the people at the office know how I felt.  I doubt said doctor will be practicing there much longer.

Of course, if there's a bug within twelve thousand eight hundred and fourteen miles of me, I'm going to get it too. Since I only go to the doctor if limbs are hanging by tendons and getting blood all over my carpet, I struggled through a few different bugs I think.  The whole get sick, feel a little better, get sick again, feel a little better, get kicked in the ass kinda thing.  What's a girl to do?  Deal with it.

NOW for the boyfriend situation.  At the end of week one, Kitty discovered that he'd removed her from his relationship thingy on Facebook.  I'm not even going to go into how much social networking sites affect relationships right now.  Needless to say, a meltdown that would make nuclear warfare look like sandbox play commenced.  The Kitty princess threw things, screamed, cried, deleted him from her Facebook, removed all tags on photos, deleted pictures, gathered up all his "stuff" from her room and made me take it away, it was both horrific and beautiful to watch all at the same time.  I'm of course thinking, God I hate this, but FINALLY she's rid of him!  Right?

Wrong.

Asshole discovers she's kicked him out of her life and goes full blown emo.  Tears, begging, pleading, the whole nine yards.  Tells her what a dick he's been, how he's screwed up the ONLY thing that ever mattered to him, doesn't want to live without her, wants to spend the rest of his life with her, yada, yada, yada.  I tell her, nay BEG her to not talk to him.  She doesn't for a while, but after a dozen or more missed calls, he starts texting her, wears her down.  I tell her, nay BEG her again, to NOT make a decision immediately.  Does she listen?  Pssssht.  She's 18,  ie. hell to the no.  Gives him another chance.  He promises to be a good boy, to respect her, dote on her, get a job, etc., etc., etc.

She goes to his house a few days later.  Gets home, and takes a call from him to tell her his parents are taking him to the emergency room.  Great.  Sympathy.  They sent him home.  He goes back the next night, and they do an ultrasound which they didn't do before since they diagnosed him with gas.  Are we seeing a pattern here folks?  He's got a gall bladder full of stones and it's about to rupture.  So he has surgery.  More sympathy.  Sorry, I can't feel pity for him.  I'm trying not to hope he's in agonizing pain, because that would just be mean. Anyway, because he has no job, no insurance, no nothing except an awesome yet gullible girlfriend, a nice person at the hospital informs him he gets the entire hospital visit for free, and oh wait!  There's more!  Have emergency surgery for a limited time only and you get not ONE, but TWELVE months of FREE healthcare!  Yay!  Fantastic.  Meanwhile, I'm paying the SAME hospital for an emergency room visit where they nearly killed me.  Ironic no?

Yet again, I digress.

Good news?  Yes!  The Kitty Princess got her acceptance letter to the VCU School of the Arts, being either (depending on who you're talking to or where you're looking) either the first, second or fourth top public art school in the nation.  Harder to get into than a crack addict to Harvard.  Can't even express how proud I am of her.  She submitted her essay, sixteen pieces of her artwork, her ACT scores, two recommendations, and a crap ton of other stuff, and she made it!  Now, we're just waiting until March to find out if she got the full scholarship.  She's applying for others just in case, because God knows Mama and Daddy have spent her entire college savings trying to keep a roof over our heads the past four or five years.

Now, let's see what else.....still waiting to hear if my disability claim has been accepted.  I've been stalking the mailman in my cow pants, I think he's starting to worry, but hey, at least that brings a little bit of joy to a mailbox that's been full of nothing but junk mail and more bills.

Hubby has called a headhunter.  His excema has gotten so bad that he doesn't even have to touch the chemicals he's working with now.  All he has to do is breathe them in, and instant breakouts covering most of his body.  It's painful to see, I can't even imagine how painful it is to experience.  Not sure how it's all going to work out at any rate.  Apparently there are jobs in Texas, which wow, have I mentioned how much I love Texas?  BUT with the kiddo starting college, it would have to be a "can't turn down" kinda thing for us to pick up and move.  We'll see how it goes I guess.

And that my friends, is the past month in a nutshell.  Hope everyone has been well and hopefully I'll be back to my normal self soon!

Does it never end around here?

I was anxious to come back to my blogs and get into the blogging world again, and for a day everything was going okay.  Then hell broke loose again.

It started yesterday when the Kitty Princess said she didn't feel good and didn't want to go to school.  Her tonsils are horribly swollen and red which means another bout with strep, which she seems to get once a year like clockwork.  A trip to the doctor was practically useless though.  Her strep came back negative which the doctor said may or may not be right, but didn't want to give her antibiotics unless she knew it was more than just a viral infection.  The doctor who has never seen my kid before and thinks she knows her better than I do.  Yesterday was the start, she wasn't running a fever or anything, just had a really sore throat which is how it always starts.

By the time we were back home and I'd fixed her some soup for dinner she was flushed and starting to run a low grade temp, and feeling worse.

We stopped by the bank so she could deposit some money in her savings account and she was texting like crazy.  I said something about it and she said it was "important".  Turns out she was texting her boyfriend's best friend who confirmed that he's been cheating on her.  For a while.  Confirmed that the whole proposal was a joke.  Confirmed that this guy is an asshole of epic proportions.

We talked about it most of the night, but most of the time I just hung out with her trying to make her feel better.  She hasn't approached him about it yet, isn't sure how to do it since the guy who told her doesn't want to be involved.  She's also talked to a couple of other people who confirmed that it's true.

I'm trying to talk her into breaking it off with him, for more reasons than just the cheating, he's humiliated her enough since there are freaking PICTURES of him and this sixteen year old girl together on Facebook (did I mention he'll be 21 next month?) and everyone seems to have known except my daughter.  Apparently he thinks it's amusing that he can hurt my little girl and get away with it.  Can hurt her and she'll still love him which for some reason she still does.  She actually thought about trying to stay with him, which I can't even fathom, but hopefully it'll be worked out soon.

As badly as I hate him, and as badly as I hate seeing my daughter hurting, it's time for this to be over.  Needless to say, I'll be spending most of my time until this is resolved with her so I won't be around for a bit.  On top of that, I really don't trust him not to do something or try to do something bad to either us or the house or the cats.  He's a horrid person and I don't put anything past him.  I've told our neighbor that she should call the police immediately if she sees anything suspicious and I'm even keeping the cats indoors since he's already threatened to run over them just because he doesn't like them.  So until this is all resolved Mama Kitty is doing what Mama Kitty does best.  Taking care of her Kitty Princess.

Love you guys, and hopefully this will all be over soon.

Gunsitting.

Now that's a concept isn't it?  But I bet you're wondering why I'm writing a post about gunsitting aren't you?  

Well allow me to share.

As most of you know, the hubs and I agreed to drive to Baltimore to help my bestie save money on her trip.  We figured we could stop at the inner harbor there and maybe do a little sightseeing around DC on the way home.  It was a beautiful day, we're in the car just outside of DC when the hubs has a meltdown.  Pretty literally.

After asking for the million and second time what the hell was wrong, he looked at me with a pretty cute puppy dog face and said simply "I forgot to take my gun in the house."

What?  Mhm.  

That's where it was.  Lurking.  

Now if you don't own a gun you'll probably be staring open mouthed at the screen right now.  But allow me to assure you all is well.  The hubs has two guns, one that he carries with a concealed carry permit and another that he restored and has been trying to sell.  His of course resides in a holster so it's pretty difficult to forget, but the other one?

Resting without ammunition in the dashboard of his spiffy magical Taurus that my daughter and I both refer to as Easter Bunny poop.  It's that blue that reminds you of a color the Easter Bunny would poop out and it annoys him so yeah.  Moving on though.....

We start brainstorming.  Here is the conversation.

Me: "So?"

Hubs:  "Maryland doesn't honor concealed permits and DC doesn't allow guns AT ALL."

Me:  "Oh"

Hubs:  "Yeah.  Shit."

Me:  "So can't you put it in the trunk or something?"

Hubs:  "That's concealed, you wanna go to prison?"

Me:  "Why would they take ME to prison, wouldn't they just take you?"

Hubs:  Censored.

Me:  "I'd get you out.  Eventually."

I won't bore you with any more of those particular details, but the conversation went on, and I suggested quite simply that we stop at a State Police Headquarters and ask them what to do.  Which sounded like a lovely idea until I thought about us skipping into a State Police Headquarters telling them we've got a gun in the car and would like to know if they could keep it until we come back through.  I think it was Fredericksburg, and that's when the images of Thelma and Louise started popping into my head.

That however is exactly what we decided to do since the hubs is a responsible gun owner.  Really.  For any law enforcement personnel reading this, HE IS!  I promise.  

So, we locked the car up and skipped into the State Police Headquarters which I might add was located on Hill Street.  I kid you not.  They don't wear blue though, which dashed that little mental video screen.

This is what they do to speeders.

We learned that State Troopers do not gunsit.  Apparently the only way to get a State Trooper to take possession of your weapon is to commit a crime with it.  I managed to not say anything that *I* might find amusing just in the nick of time when I recalled that law enforcement doesn't often share my sense of humor.

I did however ask permission to blog about him.  I'm not sure if he was amused, honored or horrified.  

Trooper Batten with the Fredericksburg State Police on Hill Street was a very nice man.  Not that I'd say anything else about him because honestly, who knows what law enforcement and government officials do in their down time.  I'm not willing to test that theory, but he really was a sweetheart.  He suggested finding a place like a storage facility or somewhere with lockers so we could lock the gun up and return for it on the way home.

First stop.  The bowling alley.  I know, I know, but hey, they have lockers right?  With locks?  So yeah, we looked into it.  Went in, told them we wanted to rent a locker and she pulled out the form and asked about preferences to which we replied none, then proceeded to tell us the rental was for an entire year.  Again I kept my mouth shut instead of asking if she REALLY wanted to have a gun in a locker around the corner for an entire year.  Needless to say with our financial situation a year long rental wasn't in our immediate future, although you might argue it's cheaper than bail.

Back to the car and more brainstorming.  We stopped at a Gold's Gym only to be told that they don't rent lockers, you just have to have your own lock and it's yours.  Well la-di-dah, who carries padlocks around with them?

More driving.  We're already running late and at that time my bestie would be waiting in the train station at Baltimore for a half hour.  Hubs declared he didn't want to stop anymore because he wasn't sure how safe Penn Station would be for her alone, so we wanted to hurry.  A dilemma no?

I looked down at my feet which were comfortably slippered (no not the cow slippers, I'd never sacrifice one of those) but suggested we pick a mile marker, I'd stop to pee supposedly, slip the gun in my slipper and leave it there and we'd pick it up on the way back home.  Made sense to me right?  I mean how many people do YOU see wandering the side of the interstate looking for weapons hidden in slippers?  It made perfect sense to me.  We'd be gone three hours tops so it'd be safe there, make a u-ey on the way home, grab it and head back to the safety of permitted territory.

For SOME reason hubs didn't like that idea.

To make a long story, well not short, but a little bit less long, hubs had a brainstorm which was both legal (I think) and convenient so the drama was laid to rest and we went on our way.  Yes, I'm refusing to tell you about the final outcome since well, we drove through Quantico, so our plans were written out on a sheet of notebook paper since I'm......well......a little paranoid about Marines, military bases and DC, and I'm not real sure what the statute of limitations is on coming up with creative methods for gun storage just outside the nation's capital.

Let's just say it was an interesting trip!

Finally Back!

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaack!

First of all, I would like to thank all the wonderful people who took the time out of their days and away from their own blogs to write for me both here and on my other blog as well.  I've so enjoyed reading your posts and the comments you all got on them. I hope that it was as much fun for you as it was for me, and I'm so very thankful for you all!

Me & Donna - Yes her name's Donna too!

I had a wonderfully lazy week basically sitting around in my pjs watching movies, eating WAY too much and talking a LOT.  Even though we talk online almost every day, it's nice to have been able to have her here and just hang out and spend such lazy days together.  Pretty sure I gained about 20 pounds, so Eschelle?  You've already got a jump on me!  It was worth it though and we're already planning a visit in the summer when it's not too freaking cold to go out and see some of the sights of Richmond, and maybe explore a little further afield.

It's good to be back though, I've missed you guys and now I've got a LOT of catching up to do I know!  Since I didn't get as much sleep last week as I'm used to, it's going to take me a while to catch up on that, and since we woke up this morning to freezing rain, snow and schools closed, sounds like a damn good day to start on that project to me!

So there ya have it, I've got nothing wonderfully exciting to report, no pictures from around the world to showcase our visit, maybe a few funny stories that you'll hear about one of these days, but for now?  I'm exactly 1% caught up here, so I'm going to start the cleaning up process around the house and grab a nap or two while I think on my Thirty Days of Truth post over at Write Now, Write Later.

You guys are the greatest!  Thanks to everyone who helped make my week such a great one by taking over for me here!

Who's that in the mirror? (Guest Post)

Hello all you beautiful people. I am Katie from Love is Everywhere. I was extremely psyched when Donna asked me to do a Guest Post, not just one... but two! I hope that this post makes you smile and perhaps you won't feel alone. Who am I kidding, I'm just hoping that I don't feel alone! :)
 
Oh how wonderful it is to age! ... Who said that?.. Where did that come from?.. Who's that in the mirror?..

Well, I'm only 26 years young and let me tell you how much has changed for me over the last few years. Some days I'll pass bye the mirror, step back, take a double take and sulking I ask.. "Who the heck is that?.. Do I really have bags under my eyes? I could have sworn these jeans fit perfectly last week, but they're wicked tight now... "

Exhibit A: My tiny arms with no muscle and weak legs. I no longer play sports, tennis included which was once my life. So my body aches and I'm out of breath just from running to start the car up in the morning. If only I had a car starter then I could just press a button and not use up the little energy I have that I'll need later on that day to put cream cheese on a bagel.

Exhibit B: My rack. Yes I said rack or should I just say 'the girls'? I'm not sure if it's appropriate, but we're all women here (most of us). I had 3 surgeries to date since I was 19 to remove benign tumors in 'my girls'. Not fun but I feel good about the end result since they were benign. I'm thankful. Minus the droopy 'girls' I'm left with. I thought in your 20s you're supposed to be perky? That's so not true! Wired bras do wonders!

Exhibit C: Hair, hair, hair! Oh I dislike shaving but it's a must. Just recently, I had to buy waxing strips for the hair on my upper lip. Where did that come from? I mean it's light and I'm sure no one can really notice unless they're smelling my perfume, or helping me get something out of my eye, but seriously.. why do we need to wax our lips?

Overall, this is us. It's life, and with life we do get older. There's alot of work to keep that youthful look but it starts inside. I'm going to work really hard to stay 'young'.

Love you all and thanks for being you!
Kate

Kickin' the Sticks (Guest Post)

Guest post of the day is by Bryan, the ever so clever author of both nuclearheadache and The Encyclopedia of Counted Sheep.

These days, when you tell someone that you're going to quit smoking, it's kind of like telling them that you're finally getting around to seeing Pulp Fiction.  They're happy for you and enthusiastic, but somewhere in the back of their mind they're probably thinking, "Well, it's about time."  Over the years, smoking has turned from something that made you look cool to something just slightly less offensive than spitting on a baby.  During my career as a smoker, I've gone from sitting comfortably in someone's living room and having a cigarette to being banished to a cold, dark corner of their garage to getting dirty looks after I come in from standing out in the rain and having a couple of puffs.     

I quit for about two months a couple of years ago.  I wanted a flat screen TV, and I figured that the only way I'd get it was to put the $5 a day I spent on cigarettes aside for this lofty goal.  It gave me something to shoot for.  Well, then I got laid off from my job, and there I was with all this time on my hands and no flat-screen TV to watch in sight.  The money I'd saved up had to be used for boring stuff like groceries.  So my plan fell apart, and I was dying for just one little cigarette.  Well, you know how that goes.  A month later I was right back to my usual half-a-pack a day.  I know, you could point out the flaw in my logic and the fact that I was spending the money on cigarettes that I could no longer afford to set aside, but hey...shut up.  

So here I am, at it again.  As I'm writing this, I've got three cigarettes left in my last pack.  As you're reading this, hopefully I've been three days without taking a drag, that is if I haven't held up the local convenient store by then and cleaned them out of their entire supply of Marlborough Special Blends.  Keep a lookout for any bewildered cashiers on the news.

Strangely enough, Writing was one of the hardest parts about quitting last time.  I couldn't hardly even think about it without wanting a cigarette.  I'm not sure why.  This writing is certainly a fairly neurotic activity, and the ashtray here at my desk fills up far more than it should.  You find yourself stuck on a sentence and you puff your way right through the block.  An effective technique, but it's not the best thing for your heart, lungs, stomach, or teeth.  I'm just going to have to start gnawing on a pencil or rubbing my face on the cat or something.

The other hard part was that nagging thought of never having a cigarette again.  I could get through the hours, and even the days without one, but the idea of never again....it was like watching your childhood friend move away, leaving a trail of smoke and ashes behind them.  Well, okay, it wasn't really like that.  I just wanted you to picture a giant cigarette waving to you from the back window of a car.  So anyway, I'm only making a deal with myself to quit for one month this time.  If I can make it a month, I'll try to see if I can make it another month and so on.  Maybe I can trick my brain a little.  I'm not making any promises to myself or anyone else.  I'm just going to see how it goes.

Aaaaand...now, I'm down to two.

Hey, It's not just you ladies you know....



Well, my wife decided to go behind my back and sign me up to post on her blog while her friend is in town.  She is pretty sneaky, but paybacks?  Oh yeah.  For those who don’t know me, I’m Donna’s husband Kevin and I just so happen to have my very own blog at Awkward Humor.

So, while my wife and her friend play all girlie girlie with makeup and clothes, I’m going to actually do something straight forward for my post.  Since her blog is named Refusing to Grow Old Gracefully, I thought I would touch on that subject – from the side of a man.

If any men happen to be reading this, don’t panic.  I won’t let too many secrets out.  Or at least I will try.  Of course, since this is coming FROM a man, women who read this will probably just ignore it.  Or think I’m crazy.  Or stupid. Or from Mars (and if women think they are actually from Venus, they have another think coming).

Refusing to Grow Old Gracefully is pretty much my wife’s life philosophy.  She denies everything having to do with age, no matter what she writes in her blogs.  You know that Toby Keith song, “as good as I once was”?  That is almost, almost now, my wife’s theme song.  For several years now I have been expecting to hear that playing as we walk along on whatever business we are out and about on.  One line in particular comes to mind where my wife is concerned.  “You’re body says you can’t do this, but your pride says oh yes you can”.  How else can you explain her racing, on skates, a young teenager?  We won’t talk about the resulting crash, or the broken ribs.

I know women have it tough where aging is concerned.  You feel like you’ve lost that youthful glow.  That men don’t look at you and as a result, have their jaws hit the floor.  You feel like your boobs are at your knees, and the wrinkles and gray hair are of satan.  I KNOW this.

But society seems to take it a little easier on men.  When we get gray, we become “distinguished”.  Well, let me tell you, we don’t feel that way, unless you’re Richard Gere.  Or Kenny Rogers.  Men, despite what you think, have our own insecurities when it comes to aging.

Society hints that men’s wrinkles are a sign of experience.  Maybe so, but they also make that hot little number on the beach in a string bikini go “EWWWW PEDOMAN!” when they catch us looking.  Hey, we can’t help but look.  We continue to look until we are in a casket.

Society says that that gray hair makes us distinguished?  Well, that same gray hair makes the younger guys call us old man and can often be heard saying “don’t hurt yourself”, followed by a snicker on the basketball court (which of course, makes us try to act like we can still jump high and end up hurting ourselves).  Distinguished men are what keep Ben Gay and Icy Hot like products on the market.  And Chiropractors in business.

You think your boobs sag?  Well, a part of OUR anatomy sags too.  You just have to hear the yelp of shock when we sit on the toilet and said anatomy part falls into the water.  No more needs to be said about that.

Then there is the hair.  Oh God, the HAIR.  I’m not talking about going bald either, which makes some of us insane.  I’m talking about the sudden growth of hair.. from our ears.  And nose.  It’s like some Martian saw a Chia Pet commercial and decided they wanted one, and planted hair seeds in our ears and nose while we were sleeping.  With a gallon of Miracle Grow.

So yeah, most of us men don’t like to age gracefully either.  Now the part about sports cars being used to pick up young women?  I will neither confirm nor deny.  It’s a long held rumor I know.  But I will tell you this much.  Getting that sports car is also about feeling a thrill that we can obtain without hurting ourselves like we used to get on the basketball court, or baseball field, or whatever.  Unless we wreck the stupid thing.

I will close with one final statement.  We men may be aging, and not be handling it very well, and you women may be aging, and not handling it very well, but if you walk into the bedroom wearing a French maid outfit?  Well, you’re gonna see an aging man act like a kid on Christmas morning.

So the next time you see a “distinguished” gentlemen acting like an idiot, don’t snicker.  At least to loud.  We’re just feeling the same way you are.