Today was the big day.

4:00 was my appointment with get this....a psychologist (no awkward humor or nuclear comments allowed here or ELSE! Rawr!)  for my disability application.

Now, you're probably wondering how someone like me is eligible for disability.  If so, look up the following:

Ideopathic Hypersomnia.

First word means and I quote from a professional medical doctor - "We have no clue what the hell causes it"

Second word hyper meaning excessive or excessively, and somnia meaning to sleep.

It's basically Narcolepsy without the leg tremors and hallucinations.  Unless mass quantities of liquor are involved.

There you have it.  My doctors were becoming concerned that my sleeping was reaching the point of being a danger to me and others in a working environment.  Yes peeps, it's THAT bad.

So today was my appointment.  This is the second round since I was denied the first round because and again I quote "The condition can be treated with medication" after I told them 8 billion (at least) times that I've been on the medication for oh about seven years and it's much like popping a tic tac now.  I was on Adderall and Ritalin for all those years and before you go WTF? let me tell you that while it's used to treat ADD in children, it has the opposite effect after you reach puberty.  Kids + Ritalin = Chill.  Adults + Ritalin = well, speed.

Soooo, I'm all okay, we'll do this your way, so this is the transcript from my appointment today.

Hello Ms? Riley?  Is it Ms. or Mrs.?

Yes.

What is the date of today.

Yes.

Who is the President of the United States.

Yes.

Point to my left ear.

Yes.

What do you do during a typical day.

Yes.

Do you contemplate quantum physics?

Yes.  (Lie.)

Do you pee on a regular basis.

Yes.  (No lie.)

Do you think I'm mean, rude, that this exam is ridiculous, and feel as if I'm expecting you to remember what you did while inutero?

Yes.  (Also no lie.)

That pretty much sums it up.  Okay so I'm exaggerating, but not by much.  Do you guys remember how long ago it was since you had appendicitis and how old you were?  Or the dates you've worked at every job you've ever had or am I really getting senile in my old age?  If given three words to remember and then asked to recite your history from age 2 to present would you remember those damned three words, or again am I losing my mind?

Anyway, I think the whole mean and rude thing was part of the exam for some reason because he actually let up after he had me so frustrated I was in tears (and yes, I loathe admitting that I actually cry like a human being) when he offered me tissues (not Kleenex by the way, a generic - you'd think a PhD could afford Kleenex wouldn't you?) and gave me some websites to see if I could find any research studies or help figuring out what the hell my problem is.

Now I'm playing the waiting game, it'll be about two weeks before the SSA gets his report and who knows how long it'll be before I hear anything, but at least it's over and done with and I don't have to worry about it anymore!  So wish me luck and maybe one day can you image?  I'll get money from the government to sleep. Does it get any better than that?

Hot Diggity Day! I Gots an Award!

The Life is Good Award!

What better way to wake up than with a beautiful award!  The lovely, talented and oh so sweet AubrieAnne at Who's Your Editor? decided to pass this award along to me and wow, girlie you have no idea how happy you made me!  Wow, now I've gotta do some serious thinking!  

Here are the things you have to do when you get this award:

1. First, thank and link back to the person that gave the award.

2. Answer the 10 survey questions

3. Pass the award along to other bloggers whom you think are fantastic.

4. Contact the bloggers you have chosen to let them know about the award.

1.  If you blog anonymously, are you happy doing this?  If you aren't anonymous, do you wish you started out anonymously, so that you could be anonymous now?

Well in my usual subtle fashion I'll say that I don't get the whole blogging anonymously thing.  I know a few people who do, and I understand THEIR reasons, and I guess others have reasons as well, but I'm way too something or other to do all this hard work anonymously, even though it is fun.  Besides I like sharing about my life and the trials and joys in my little slice of heaven, showing off my Kitty princess and even telling on the hubs!

2.  Describe an incident that shows your inner stubborn side.

Wow, just one?  Or maybe I don't have to answer this one at all since I have no "inner" stubborn side.  All my sides are stubborn.  Probably the biggest one that comes to mind was playing soccer when I was about 13?  I was 5'4" and weighed about 90 pounds soaking wet.  The team we played against had this guy (Eric, whom I later worked with and adored) and even as a kid he was ginormous.  6'6" inches tall and probably at least 230 pounds.  He had the ball.  I wanted the ball.  He thought I'd back down.  I woke up on the sidelines looking up at the sky.

3.  What do you see when you really look at yourself in the mirror?

For a long time I saw every single imperfection.  Some days I still do, but not often thankfully.  Now I see a woman who has lived life pretty much on her own terms, who has been through hell and back and wears the tee shirt with pride.  Someone who finally after over a quarter century learned to love herself and be comfortable in her own skin.

4.  What is your favorite summer cold drink?

Definitely iced tea.  That's my all around fave drink ever actually.

5.  When you take time for yourself, what do you do?

Wow, I'm guessing sleep isn't an answer, or not a fun one anyway, although usually that's the answer.  Active things?  I love to write, read, and work in the yard.  My Mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas this year and I told her mulch.  She didn't get it, cuz she's tired of getting it for me every year instead of something she actually likes to buy :)
6.  Is there something that you still want to accomplish in your life?

Honestly, I think if you're not dead, there are always things you want to do.  I want to have a book published.  I'd love to see Three Days Grace in concert and meet Adam Gontier (drooooooool) I want to build a house exactly like I want it and spend the rest of my life making it mine.  I want to go base jumping at the Cave of Swallows, skydive and bungee jump, go parasailing and snowboarding, scuba diving and race dirtbikes, among other extreme sports :)  I wanna see the world and be there the day doctors discover how to make my Mom see again.  I want to see my daughter graduate from college and begin her life because I know she's going to be great at it.  I want to do one majorly spectacular thing that will help either a group of people or a cause that will make news and get me arrested.

7.  When you attended school, were you the class clown, the class overachiever, the shy person, or always ditching?

Oh wow, this is going to come as a surprise to all of you.  I was shy.  Painfully so.  I still am in come situations, but most of the time I love to talk about anything or everything, it just takes me a while to open up in person.

8.  If you close your eyes and want to visualize a very poignant moment in your life, what would you see?

I see my Dad looking down at me with that endearing smile, telling me he loves me the last time I saw him before he died an hour later.

9.  Is it easy for you to share your true self in your blog, or are you more comfortable writing posts about other people and events?

Is this a trick question?  I'm probably painfully blunt about my true self.

10.  If you had the choice to sit down and read a book or talk on the phone, which would you do and why?

Book book book!  The last job I had I was on call 24/7 365.  I logged an average of 9000 minutes a month on just the cell phone when I wasn't at the office.  I'm SICK of phones!

I would like to pass this award on to:

Bryan over @ nuclearheadache just because he razzed me about radioactive reindeer and messed up my mind with theories of relativity and math and I think it's time he thought about something a little easier for the masses to comprehend!  And cuz I'm just evil that way!  :)

I'm in Love.

Yes, I know, it's shocking.  But true.

See, my mom got me new sheets for Christmas.  Our bed is a queen size, but it's ummm, for lack of a better word - ginormous.  The sheets that fit 18" mattresses are too small for it, that's how thick it is.  So I was a bit tentative about whether they'd fit and with a heavy heart, I had almost decided if not, I'd take them back and exchange them.

N.o. w.a.y.  i.n.  h.e.l.l.

Those bad boys aren't going anywhere!

You know those really uber soft fluffy throws they've been selling for some years now?  The ones that get softer and softer every year until they feel like something sinful wrapped around you?  Well that's my new sheets.  I'm surprised someone didn't think of that sooner, but

Oh

My

God.

They're fantastically orgasmic.  Obviously since I've devoted an entire blog to bedsheets, but yeah, I'm seriously in love with these sheets.  They're like foreplay only better.  I'm actually tempted to give in and have sex with the hubs just so I can roll around in the sheets.  Aw hell, he's gonna read this and then question my intentions.  Ugh.  It's for New Years baby, really, I swear!

Can a Human Head Spontaneously Combust?

Okay so there are a few reasons I've been MIA.  One of course is the emotional roller coaster my darling, sweet, precious, oh so blinded by love little girl has had me riding since Christmas Eve.  Since I'm not too sure I can still form coherent thoughts, (lack of good sleep, exhaustion, cleaning for upcoming visit, etc.) I'll just make this easy.

Dec. 23

• Kitty Princess texts me to tell me the bf proposed.
• I inquire about a ring to find there isn't one.
• When will there be one?  Maybe spring.
• What did he get her?
• Nothing.
• Kitty Princess texts me to say "hope you didn't tell anyone, it's not happening"
• I say ummm WTF?
• She says she'll explain when she gets home.
• She gets home and it's "on" again.  Everything is fine.
• Mama Kitty asks very few questions since head is in danger of imminent explosion.
• We all go night night.

Dec. 24

• Christmas Eve!  Yay!
• Kitty Princess wants to know what time bf should come over.
• Kitty Princess is working til 7.
• I tell Kitty Princess not a good idea.  She just saw him and Grumama will be all nervous.
• Kitty Princess agrees and we have a lovely dinner and gift exchange with grandparents.
• Come home and Kitty Princess gets on the phone with bf.
• Boyfriend tells her his best friend's parents are getting him and best friend a job in California at a pharmaceutical company.
• Mama Kitty is happy.
• Then Mama Kitty finds out he wants her to go with him.
• Kitty Princess and bf fight.  A lot.
• Kitty Princess is crying.
• Hysterically.
• Boyfriend is going to break up with her.  Engagement is off.
• Mama Kitty is happy.  Bad Mama Kitty.
• Mama Kitty explains that bf is an ass.  Tells Kitty Princess that even God couldn't get a job at a pharmaceutical company since God doesn't have a four year degree.
• Sometime in the wee hours of the morning (after ruining Christmas Eve) bf decides he still loves her and they don't have to go to California.
• Mama Kitty is not happy again.
• We all go night night.

Dec. 25

• Christmas Day!  Yay!
• Kitty Princess wants to know when she can see boyfriend.
• Fight ensues when she's told that paternal grandparents are coming over and then we have to go to their house for dinner.  No time for bf to come over.
• Kitty Princess pouts.
• Mama Kitty is happy, not about pouting about no bf on Christmas.
• Enjoy Christmas, opening gifts from in-laws, go to dinner to have repeat of sad from niece who is told SHE can't go home with her bf because it's snowing like a bitch and she has to work the next day and boyfriend lives a zillion miles away.
• Decide all females under the age of 25 are systematically insane.
• Come home and Kitty Princess talks to bf rest of night.
• Boyfriend gets mad at her over World of Warcraft and another fight ensues.
• Mama Kitty is tired of the fighting by 1:00 a.m. and leaves the Kitty Princess to go to bed.

Dec. 26

• Kitty Princess works til 9:30
• Kitty Princess gets off work and bf asks where she's been since he KNOWS that her employer closes at 6 p.m. on Sundays.
• Mama Kitty is shellshocked that Kitty Princess didn't go the hell off on bf.
• Apparently bf's best friend worked for two months at GameStop and knows everything there is to know about their practices including holiday hours, amazing since he never worked a holiday hour in his life.
• Mama Kitty isn't asking any more freaking questions cuz her head is going to explode.

Dec. 27

• Kitty Princess has day off.  Spends day on phone with bf playing World of Warcraft.
• Mama Kitty wanted to make cookies and watch movies.
• Other stuff happened that made Mama Kitty not happy.
• Mama Kitty went to bed with monster headache and the very real desire to give the hell up.

Dec. 28

• Blogging is safe.  Mama Kitty shall return to blogging where she can rant and rave and sound like a lunatic about the horrors of bf and having an intelligent, beautiful daughter who is blinded by the thought that love is possible with a good for nothing, worthless, horrible person who doesn't even buy her a gift for Christmas.

And there you have it.  Is it any wonder I can't put more than two words to paper without feeling like my head is going to explode and checking to house to pinpoint the location of every available pointed or sharpened object I own?  Ladies and gentleman, gather round and pray with me that THIS

never, ever, ever, ever, ever happens.  Please and thank you.

Mommy Wants a Pair of Those Rose Colored Glasses!

Well, well, well, what a couple of days.  You guys are not going to believe what happened last night since I'm not sure I believe it yet.  Let's just say I got a rather surprising Christmas ummm, announcement?

Apparently, my kiddo is quasi-, semi-, possibly- maybe- engaged.

Yeah.

That's what I thought.

I've been on these tirades about the horrid, terrible, awful, hideous boyfriend before right?  Well this time he kinda took the whole kitchen, not just the cake.

Apparently, if you have been partying for weeks, sitting around letting some other girl lay all over you, high or drunk out of your mind, without a job or any intentions of getting one, it interferes with your shopping plans.  The only thing to do in that case is to well.....propose.  Without a gift.  Or a ring.  I mean, telling the "love of your life" you've got good intentions is enough right?  Supposedly the plan is to save up money and get the ring in the spring.  What money is still beyond me as he's still not working or even attempting to.  But that's not my deal I suppose.
Really?  How much is a damn ring pop people?  Couldn't he have at least done that?  Some symbolism for less than a buck?  Nah, why?  Because this was a SPUR of the moment decision, brought about by guilt for not having anything for her.  Is this the kinda guy my little girl wants to be with forever?  Sigh.  Talk about rose colored glasses.  Apparently she's got a collection of them I didn't know about, and I'm gonna be looking now because I could sure as hell use a rose colored view of the world right about now.

I'm really trying not to just roll around in the floor screaming, because I'm pretty sure that would lead my precious if naive daughter to believe I'm not thrilled for her, but damn.  It's hard not to.  So for any of you reading this?

Dear Santa:

I know it's a little late to be writing to you, but well, this is kinda an emergency, and being Santa and all, I'm sure you know how that goes.  You see, the worst case scenario has happened.  Well, maybe not THE worst, but close.  The daughter's boyfriend isn't a serial killer or a rapist (that I know of) but other than that, I can't seem to find a single redeeming quality in him.  Since he got into some Christmas spirit last night (or panicked because he didn't have a single gift for my daughter whom he's been dating for TWO years) and proposed to my little girl, I'm at a bit of a loss.

She came home without a ribbon, box, or bow, without a candy cane or a Hershey's kiss, without a present, wrapping in tow.  No ring, no necklace, no earrings, not even a ring pop, that's the least he coulda done right?  Anyway, I'm writing to you to ask a favor.  I don't need anything at all, you see, but I do have a list.  Please bring:

A really strong pair of glasses for my daughter to see the truth.

Some toothpicks to hold her eyes open when they get that lovesick thing that makes her blind.

A little bird to sit on her shoulder and tempt her to explore other possibilities.

Seventeen feet of snow to keep them apart for at least a month.

A best friend who will be honest with her and tell her he's not the one.

And maybe a little clue that a guy who doesn't have a single gift for her when they've been dating for TWO years, who proposes because he feels bad for not having a gift since he's been partying too much to go shopping with money he doesn't have because he doesn't have a job, who takes her to his house and hour away knowing if he decides not to bring her home, I'll HAVE to come get her, and who yells at her when she dies playing World of Warcraft and can't HEAL him anymore, just might not be the best decision for a future husband.  Oh I could go on, but Santa?  I think you'll get the point by now.

So really, that's all I'm asking for this Christmas.  And if by chance you decided to convince Mark or Jeff to come by with a little sprig of mistletoe and a nicely wrapped gift for her too, that might be nice.

Again, sorry to throw this at you on Christmas Eve, but hey, you've still got a few hours before the shit hits the fan right?  Thanks in advance for any help you can throw my way.  Love ya!

Your biggest fan,

Oh and because I didn't forget you guys, you can go here to read my wishes for all of you, my bbfs.

Sorry guys....

I thought I was better, but apparently the past couple of days have kicked my ass.

Feeling really, REALLY icky, hubs brought me home hot chocolate and I'm gonna go find a warm spot to crawl up and feel sorry for myself.

Love you guys!

Robes for Tall Girls are Elusive. Traffic is Not.

Sorry for the lack of posting today, I'm s.t.i.l.l. on the warpath searching for that damned elusive robe.  I'm almost ready to admit defeat.  Not quite though.

Hit two Ross today, two T J Maxx, Burlington, two Stein Marts, Macy's, Penney's, Sears, three Kohls and a couple of big lady shops and nothing except aching knees and a tired back.  Oh and a half tank less of hubby's gas in the car.

Tomorrow we'll return to our regularly scheduled attempt at humor, sarcasm, wit and general entertainment.

Hope you all have a totally fabulous Saturday night and Sunday and I'll return.  Hopefully with a robe in hand. 

Or bag as the case may be.