Well, well, well, what a couple of days. You guys are not going to believe what happened last night since I'm not sure I believe it yet. Let's just say I got a rather surprising Christmas ummm, announcement?
Apparently, my kiddo is quasi-, semi-, possibly- maybe- engaged.
That's what I thought.
I've been on these tirades about the horrid, terrible, awful, hideous boyfriend before right? Well this time he kinda took the whole kitchen, not just the cake.
Apparently, if you have been partying for weeks, sitting around letting some other girl lay all over you, high or drunk out of your mind, without a job or any intentions of getting one, it interferes with your shopping plans. The only thing to do in that case is to well.....propose. Without a gift. Or a ring. I mean, telling the "love of your life" you've got good intentions is enough right? Supposedly the plan is to save up money and get the ring in the spring. What money is still beyond me as he's still not working or even attempting to. But that's not my deal I suppose.
Really? How much is a damn ring pop people? Couldn't he have at least done that? Some symbolism for less than a buck? Nah, why? Because this was a SPUR of the moment decision, brought about by guilt for not having anything for her. Is this the kinda guy my little girl wants to be with forever? Sigh. Talk about rose colored glasses. Apparently she's got a collection of them I didn't know about, and I'm gonna be looking now because I could sure as hell use a rose colored view of the world right about now.
I'm really trying not to just roll around in the floor screaming, because I'm pretty sure that would lead my precious if naive daughter to believe I'm not thrilled for her, but damn. It's hard not to. So for any of you reading this?
I know it's a little late to be writing to you, but well, this is kinda an emergency, and being Santa and all, I'm sure you know how that goes. You see, the worst case scenario has happened. Well, maybe not THE worst, but close. The daughter's boyfriend isn't a serial killer or a rapist (that I know of) but other than that, I can't seem to find a single redeeming quality in him. Since he got into some Christmas spirit last night (or panicked because he didn't have a single gift for my daughter whom he's been dating for TWO years) and proposed to my little girl, I'm at a bit of a loss.
She came home without a ribbon, box, or bow, without a candy cane or a Hershey's kiss, without a present, wrapping in tow. No ring, no necklace, no earrings, not even a ring pop, that's the least he coulda done right? Anyway, I'm writing to you to ask a favor. I don't need anything at all, you see, but I do have a list. Please bring:
A really strong pair of glasses for my daughter to see the truth.
Some toothpicks to hold her eyes open when they get that lovesick thing that makes her blind.
A little bird to sit on her shoulder and tempt her to explore other possibilities.
Seventeen feet of snow to keep them apart for at least a month.
A best friend who will be honest with her and tell her he's not the one.
And maybe a little clue that a guy who doesn't have a single gift for her when they've been dating for TWO years, who proposes because he feels bad for not having a gift since he's been partying too much to go shopping with money he doesn't have because he doesn't have a job, who takes her to his house and hour away knowing if he decides not to bring her home, I'll HAVE to come get her, and who yells at her when she dies playing World of Warcraft and can't HEAL him anymore, just might not be the best decision for a future husband. Oh I could go on, but Santa? I think you'll get the point by now.
So really, that's all I'm asking for this Christmas. And if by chance you decided to convince Mark or Jeff to come by with a little sprig of mistletoe and a nicely wrapped gift for her too, that might be nice.
Again, sorry to throw this at you on Christmas Eve, but hey, you've still got a few hours before the shit hits the fan right? Thanks in advance for any help you can throw my way. Love ya!
Your biggest fan,
Oh and because I didn't forget you guys, you can go here to read my wishes for all of you, my bbfs.