16 December 2010

Mama Kitty - 1; Hubby - 0

If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm the cat lady.

My husband hates it, my daughter thinks it's hilarious, but the truth is, if anything were to ever happen to my husband (God forbid) and my daughter move out on her own, I'd be the crazy old lady on the corner with 200 cats in her house, sitting on everything, making me fall and break a hip and eventually having my own special on a "Cops" episode, or maybe one of those animal cruelty prevention shows.  Still can't figure out how it's cruelty if they take over YOUR house and you're starving while they've got fat little bellies and clean places to make poo, but I digress.

It's been cold here.  Not, just cold, but c.o.l.d.

Our four cats are good cats.  They stay in the house where it's warm.  They've obviously evolved past the whole "Oh look it's white stuff, let's go play in it" stage of their lives.  The others?  Not so much.  When I came downstairs this morning, they were huddled around the french doors looking pitiful.  So I let them out.

Why is this a problem?  Because they have decision making issues.

"Do I want to come in?"


Door opens.


Cats run.  Away.  Not in.

Mia and Muffin - Creators of Tango, Skunkbutt, Oreo and Juliet
Repeat this scenario about twelve times and there's a snowdrift on my office carpeting and I've gotten "nipply".  Not to mention the tolerance level across the room (Hubs desk) has plummeted like the temperatures outside.  Now, having a LOT of the little furballs running around outside, you can already guess that they're not all going to want to come in at the same time.

The only thing they all do at the same time is poop when the litterboxes are clean.  Why is that anyway?  The second a litterbox is clean, every cat within scooping distance discovers the sudden and inexplicable urge to immediately take a dump.  Still haven't figured that out.

Anyhoo, I've managed to corral the four kitten cats (Tango, Oreo, Skunkbutt and Juliet) in the house, although they're still sitting at the door looking longingly out the window.  Tough shit guys, not happening.  Now I've got KJ and Hissy, Optikitten and Deceptikitten still outside.  Yes, the last two were named after Transformers.

Skunkbutt, Juliet, Tango and Oreo
The funny thing though is that they are having a blast outside.  I open the door and kittens and cats alike go sailing across the snow, sending up roostertails of the white stuff, skidding off the deck, rolling around in it, making snowballs (Yes, Patch has discovered how to make snowballs, which she then eats) and chasing each other around until they're freezing and trying to decide if they want to come in or not.

I won this round, Hubs has gone back to bed.  Where it's warm.  So I'm free to freeze my arse off opening the door a zillion times waiting for the little turds to decide when it's time to come in.  Unfortunately, by the time the other four decide it's time to come in, the others will be sneaking around trying to get out.  I've gotten pretty good at keeping their little butts inside, but every once in a while one will sneak past my defenses.  Then while I'm lamenting another thirty minutes of drafts trying to get that one back in, another sneaks out.  Then another.  Then I'm back at square one.

Hubs keeps saying they're not cold, cuz they have fur, to which I reply I've got a coat but I still get cold when it's fourteen degrees colder than a witch's booby in a brass bra outside.  Last night I took a huge bolt of fabric and wrapped it around the little house outside.  Then wrapped it in a tarp and put their food inside so it would be warm and insulated against the snow and wind inside.  Put a deck chair against the door so the snow wouldn't blow in the open door part.  Ugh.

You know this all sounded logical before I wrote it down.  Now I feel like well, the cat lady.

What's a woman to do?  Youngling is grown, so maybe I'm doing the whole caregiver thing, but with cats.  Maybe it's empty nesting.  Maybe I'm just as crazy as people have suspected for years.  At least I haven't done what I did last year.  Yet.

Hey, they loved that!  It was ingenious!  Damnit.  Now I'm feeling bad that I didn't do that.  I prolly should have done that.  Psht, nah, they're ALL in my house now, they don't need shelter, they just need to COME IN the damn door!

Someone please tell me this is normal?  Please?


  1. Hello! Popping in from Thirsty Thursday! Can't believe the kitties actually wanted to get out there. My 2 dogs take one look outside and turn around at the door. But, when they do get out in the snow, they come back covered in snowballs under their bellies and matted fur. Big mess!

  2. Aww, well thankfully the kitties don't get those, but they LOVE it out there. Oreo and Skunk are the two biggest fans, I've got some wicked cute pictures of them I'll be posting later, but yeah, they all try to sneak out. Some stay for hours just running around being crazy! It's adorable! Until they wanna come in and snuggle with wet feet!

  3. you're too cute. Here is a morbid fact i have about cats. If you die in your home they will start nibbling on you before your cold.

    i wish i could have cats (not sarcastic i miss having cats and i'm a sucker for the neighborhood ones lol.) I keep a thing of kitty treats in the house.

  4. lol yep, that's a longstanding joke at our house because most all of them lick on me now, so hubs says they're just tasting me to get ready for when I die and they can eat me....

  5. You are so funny, I loved reading this post! The thing that bugs me the most is what you mentioned..The MINUTE I clean the litter boxes...the both find the urge to blow out the biggest stinky!!! I had thought of putting a cork in their butt for an hour or two : D but figured that was not the best idea..maybe I could hide the litter box so it would remain clean..Nah, that wouldn't work either. If you come up with an idea let me know.

  6. Well Shawn, the hubs suggested putting the litter box on the floor against the wall and stapling the cats to the wall over it. Yeah. Have I mentioned he has a LOT less patience with them than I do? I am attempting to design a litterbox though. I've got a couple of ideas born from scooping up after ten or twelve of the little rascals, so I'll let you know how that's going!

  7. I love kitties!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I would have tons of them too, but my dad is allergic!!!! Maybe when I have my own place I can get one of the hypoallergetic whatever cats.

    BTW, the picture of all the kittens sleeping together is adorable!!!

    I think that's entirely normal. When we love our animals we do crazy CRAZY things. My roommate got a cat that had many many MANY extra toes. He was pitch balck and named Kopitar after the hockey player. We did absolutley everything for that cat. We even built a castle out of cardboard boxes (what is it with cats and boxes?), we littered our floors with ping pong balls (Kopitar's second most favorite thing, next to card board boxes.), and when we brushed our teeth and washed our faces we let him up on the counter (gasp!) so that he could play with the water coming out of the water faucet. That cat owned us, NOT the other way around. :):)

  8. Oh, I do too! Like we didn't all know that by now lol

    Yeah, oddly enough, the pic of them all sleeping together? Look closely and you'll see the hubs foot. They're under HIS desk. He loves them, he just won't admit it :)

    I love the name, of course I love hockey, we had hamsters named Patrick and Valerie after Patrick Roy and Valerie Kamenski! I don't know what it is about boxes, but I have three or four laying around my house at any given time. They adore them. I routinely hear them playing with the one in the kitchen on the wood floor, one or two will get in it and the others will gather round and stick their paws through the hole in the bottom of it or over the sides and they'll go at it for h.o.u.r.s. Too funny!

    When you decide you want kitties (ahem) I've got one or two or twelve I could send your way, hell I'll even hand deliver them! :)

  9. I'm popping in from the blog hop! I loooove your blog! you can find me at www.centslessdeals.com


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